…hate the magical sound of the Vuvuzela.

I think it is very clear that I am the only person who holds the monopoly to hate. On that basis, I seriously and strongly hate those racist imperialists who are against the Vuvuzela that has become a trademark of the World Cup in South Africa.

Losers like France, Holland’s Van Persie and Portugal’s Ronaldo claim that it hinders their concentration yet Germany managed to score four goals and did not complain.

The annoying thing is that the same foreigners who I see on TV blowing the Vuvuzela are the ones who complain when their team fails to win. I hate you for hating something that distinguishes this World Cup from all the rest.  

      …still don’t know what the Vuvuzela is.

I have always hated ignorant people and I am not about to stop. Right now, I just hate those ignorant jokers who are not ashamed to ask what the Vuvuzela is. I know it is good to ask when you don’t know something but before I answer, I have to do my job of hating.

I was about to explain to my ignorant readers what the Vuvuzela is but then I realised other questions like when is a player offside, what is fair play, how come there are two Korean teams in the tournament and many other silly questions would follow. So those who don’t know what the Vuvuzela is should at least know that I hate them.  

 …call me in the middle of a World Cup match.

I have waited for four years for this World Cup to begin and even FIFA knows that I am watching every game like my life depends on it. Now I hate people who for some reason are not following the World Cup and even have the guts to call me in the middle of a football game! I am trying to concentrate here in order to get what to talk about the next day!

Why don’t you try calling me during the half time break? Please try and find out whether there is a football match before calling me because I will not let you interrupt my game just like that. And I am not about to switch off my phone. What if it is Sepp Blatter on the line! 

 …fake sickness so that they can watch the World Cup.

With some games starting at 1:30pm Rwandan time, some people pretend to be sick only to remain home and scream in support of their favoured teams. Before I hate these pretenders, I must say that such people are indeed sick. In the head that is.

They forget that they are not employed by FIFA and that if they eventually lose their jobs, they may not afford to watch the games again. Don’t let your mental illness cost you your job. I just pray that your boss surprises you with a visit and eventually hands you the dismissal letter.  
 
…have stopped reading this column because of the World Cup.

Any good citizen should by now know that it is compulsory for all literate people to read this column every Sunday if at all Rwanda is to achieve its Vision 2020 targets.

There is no acceptable reason for not getting your weekly dose of hatred simply because some adults are chasing around an inflated piece of leather in South Africa. I have utmost hatred for anyone who thinks the World Cup is more important than what The Hater has to say here.  

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 758 545293.