Dear Aunt Silvia,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now. Despite my trying hard not to conceive out of wedlock I was shocked to find out that I am pregnant. Before I met my current boyfriend I was in a relationship with a married man before we called it quits after he realised that I was pregnant with his child.

He denied the responsibility and forced me to carry out an abortion. Now I am in the same dilemma I was in three years ago. Even though am adamant about carrying out another abortion, am afraid my boyfriend will leave me if I don’t carry out the abortion since he says he is not ready to be a father. I am torn between my unborn child and his father. Please advise.

Genevieve

Dear Genevieve,

Did you know that, your boyfriend is not your blood but your child is? Why choose a man over a baby? As far as I know, is that you can always get another man, but we are never too sure about having more babies, especially after a series of abortions.

Even after having procured an abortion three years ago, you want to do the same thing again, how sure are you that in the future you will get other babies? You might be treading on dangerous ground with your life girl, if I were you I would think twice about this issue over again before making a silly decision.

Abortion is the hardest thing you will ever have to do; can you imagine living with the guilt of destroying two innocent souls your entire life, and carry the secret to your grave? Follow your instinct and do the right thing. Everybody deserves a chance to live.

In fact I am concerned at how much of your life is dependent on the man’s stand on things. Abortion is never a solution. It is a senseless loss of human life and any adult who doesn’t see that needs a serious talk with his mother.

Have you ever both sat down to seriously discuss your relationship? It is important for couples to talk about pregnancies and marriage. Otherwise how else do you know you are compatible?

I see a lot of maturity in you wanting to take responsibility for your actions and if he can’t and won’t own up and follow suit now, then, it’s time you moved on.

I wonder why ideas such as abortion, "I am not ready for responsibility”, "not ready to become a father” don’t come up when those baby makers are having sex. If one is ready to have unprotected sex, then they should be ready for the package that comes with it.

You could also give him some time to digest the situation. If he loves you as much as you seem to love him then he will sober up. Explain to him all the dangers of abortion then give him some time to reflect.

He may be in a state of panic and confusion. I have faith that you will listen to your heart knowing that in case he abandons you, you can always get a better man. He is bound to change his mind when you deliver and he sees the baby, his own flesh and blood.

But if he doesn’t, there are always options like asking parents from both sides to help bring up the child if you are not in a position to do so by yourself. God always provides for children.

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