Even with sensitisation from various campaigns about HIV/AIDS, stigma remains strong, causing isolation and depression, and this is possibly why people living with HIV do not talk openly, or comfortably, about their status.

But not Consolee Nishimwe, 43, a survivor of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi, author, and motivational speaker who has lived with HIV since she was a teenager.

Nishimwe was raped during the Genocide when she was only 14 years old. She survived the killings with her mother and sister, but sadly, her three brothers and father didn’t.

When the Genocide ended, she, her mother, and her sister tried to find some semblance of life; she went back to school and when she completed high school, she moved to the US.

However, with time, she kept getting sick and a cousin advised her to go to the hospital and find out what was wrong.

It can’t be

"It crossed my mind that I might have contracted the virus, but I didn’t want to accept that fate. But one day I got really sick and my cousin talked me into going to the hospital, when we got there, the doctor asked me to get tested, I didn’t want to, but I had no choice. When the results came back positive, I was in shock, it was so hard for me to take it in,” Nishimwe says.

25 years old at the time she was tested, Nishimwe says even with the support and love from family, it was still hard to accept that she was HIV positive, and at such a young age.

"I had many questions in my head. I thought about the stigma, the discrimination from people, and also being on pills for the rest of my life, I wondered how life was going to be,” she recalls.

The trauma was intense because Nishimwe kept on having nightmares about the rape, she was depressed and had questions about why something so terrible would happen to her.

Stigma, acceptance, and speaking out

Nishimwe says that stigma came evasively from people who knew her and her condition.

"They didn’t necessarily come up to me and tell me anything mean, or act differently around me, but sometimes I would be referred to as ‘the girl who is HIV-positive’. Or when a person was interested in me and wanted to date me, people who knew me would stop them from doing so,” she says.

It was a tough time, but she knew she had to find ways to move past it and heal.

"I was lucky to find a therapist who understood my situation and helped me heal on my journey. Therapy helped me to accept myself, to start taking care of myself, and to accept what I was carrying in me,” she tells.

Journaling also helped Nishimwe in the process— a way to let out everything that was hurting her—and accept herself as an HIV-positive person.

"Writing helped me to start viewing myself in a positive way, to have positive affirmations, and to change my mindset. I also had to change the people around me, I had to surround myself with people that accept me and love me, I had to tell myself that I am not what happened to me and it should not affect me,” she says.

Through, therapy and journaling, Nishimwe started learning a lot about HIV, and how to take care of herself and keep her body in good shape. She told herself that the pills were not a threat to her, started educating the people around her, and with this, stigma didn’t affect her much as it did before.

In her book "Tested to the Limit: A Genocide Survivor's Story Of Pain, Resilience, And Hope”, she gives, in detail, everything she has been through and how she healed.

"I realised talking about being HIV-positive will also help others who are still on that journey, I now feel that having the courage to talk about it is really important because who knows how it can help somebody else or educate someone,” she says.

Forgiveness, letting go

"Over the years I kept on having nightmares of the rape, so when I was in therapy and I wanted to heal fully and I told myself that I needed to let it go for me to be able to live a peaceful life,” she says. The rapist was found and arrested when Nishimwe was still in Rwanda, and later on, died in prison.

To people that think living with HIV is a death sentence, and to the ones who have different myths and misconceptions about HIV, Nishimwe explains that it is possible to live a normal life and have a family. "You just need to treat yourself as a normal person, care for your body, take your medicine properly and educate yourself, and if you can’t do it yourself, find someone you trust enough to help you.

"No matter what horrible circumstances you may face in your life never lose hope, for losing hope is the beginning of your own self-defeat,” Nishimwe adds.

Views on her book