I am a married woman and a mother of four. My husband is a businessman and he is away from home most of the time. For a long time now I have been suspecting that my husband is in other love relationships because so many times I was found to suffer from sexually transmitted diseases.

I took the initiative one day and went to see a doctor to be tested for HIV/AIDS and was lucky that my results came out negative.

Then one day I was going through my husbands’ documents while he was abroad and I came upon a note book which he writes down the names of all the girls that he has had a relationship with.

In this book he writes the names of the girls, their phone numbers, where they live, and the account of that particular relationship until the day it ends.

The book is almost full with names of the girls; it looks like once he sleeps with the girl, he moves on to the next. I am so devastated by what I found out, could something be ailing him? Or he is reacting to my moving out of our matrimonial bed.

Hannah.

Dear Hannah,
I feel your frustration of having to live with your husband in the same house but in different rooms because of his unbecoming behaviour, thus making you to almost like a widow.

At the same time I congratulate you for having the courage to move out before it is too late. Remember his sleeping around with these girls started long before you moved out of your matrimonial bed, so don’t blame yourself for his unbecoming behaviour.

Do not at anytime feel that you have failed, because you have not, in fact you are a winner in more ways than one.

Your spouse has no right to ask for his conjugal rights from you, because even after forgiving him time and again, he has come home to repay with infecting you with sexual transmitted diseases.

Do not regret because of the decision you took, it might have saved your life.

Your spouse might be having an underlying problem which he is hiding from you.  I have seen and heard about characters but this, is one of its kind.

I have never heard of anyone keeping a list of the people they have had relationships with, jotting down in detail everything they did together plus their names and addresses.

This is absurd! Am sorry to tell you this but your spouse is one queer man.

He needs psychiatrist help; he needs to be helped immediately. I can attest to you that no married man will put in writing all the sins he has committed with other women, and exposes the same information where his wife can find to read, unless he is not of sound mind and health.

But then, as much as your spouse sinned against you and did not honour his marriage vows, you need not to do the same. Seek help on his behalf so that he can get counselled and tested too. 

He has offended you, but you are still his wife, you have children with him, so you must work very hard to build back your marriage and to protect your family.

As for the girls in the book, forget about them- that is now history. Talk to your spouse about the whole problem, and then take him for medical assistance.

If your husband is remorseful to what he has been doing against you, then accept his apologies and move forward. To be on the safe side though, make sure he gets tested before you decide to agree to his conjugal demands.

Ends