When we think of domestic violence, it is typically women that come to mind, yet children also face untold suffering, but are often forgotten victims of domestic violence.

Many traumatized children sit in classrooms each day learning to take their first steps, or planning for college and how to pass their exams in order to register excellence.

Jeffrey Nziza is 15 and lives in Kibagabaga. He goes to Ndera Primary School and says his delay to enrol for school was caused by the violence in the home. He has lived with his mother and father his entire life but has not seen any form of peace at home.

He loves both his parents but feels angry with his father for hitting his mother in the night whenever he returns from work and still angry at his mother for not protecting herself.

"I love my parents so much but I hate their weird character of fighting in the night and later beating me up too. I believe in future I will have to fight this,” says Nziza.

Over the last few years, Nziza has begun to take the situation into his own hands, vowing to stop his father from ever hurting his mother again.
Nziza adds that he is afraid the father will one time beat the mother to death if she does not protect herself by running away.

Women in violent relationships are often unable to protect themselves and their children from their attackers and this insecurity is not only registered by mothers alone, but is passed on to the children directly, as is witnessed by little Nziza’s turmoil here.

On the other hand the violence takes a mother away from her children, both physically and emotionally. Ironically, mothers often stay in violent relationships to protect their children from probably worse suffering at the hands of another parent – whether step father or mother.

"Children are often literally caught in tough situations and may be injured when an object is thrown due to the parents’ anger or when they try to protect the fights from going on,” says Halima Bisubizo, a mother of four in Kimironko.

Bisubizo adds that she had it rough when she tried to defend herself from being beaten by her husband whenever he would return home drunk.
"I always found it hard to defend myself because it was like a law in our house not to fight back the head of family. I suffered so much till a lady in charge of social affairs in our cell Jeannette Mukabagire came to my rescue,” narrates Bisubizo.

She says that as her children grow up, they feel increasingly responsible for the violence in their home which is a big torture even as they attend lessons.

"At times my children fail exams and are usually violent in class. I feel it’s hard to change their way of life because whatever they do was learnt at the hands of their father at home,” says Bisubizo. 

 A child of school-going age often feels caught between love for the father and the desire to protect the mother, and with this, shame becomes a dominant theme in the home.

In future children become increasingly isolated from their peers because of the way they act in school, and they cease inviting friends home because of the violence there.

This badly affects children as they grow into teens, and they develop higher levels of misconduct and violent behaviour, often picking up bad company that agrees with their kind of behaviour.

Victims of domestic violence, however, need to know that violence is not their fault and should not also grow up with a skewed attitude, taking up the violence they detested in the first place.

They should meet and talk to someone who will listen and take action as appropriate.
Parents should also know that when they visit violence against their children they will face big challenges, as in losing authority over the child for example. Children become disrespectful and uncaring, seeing nothing unusual in being rude to the parent or anyone, and this is the beginning of social disorder. 

Jeannette Mukabagire, in charge of domestic violence in Nyagatare says that she has worked and spoken against domestic violence in many homes and things are getting better each day.

"I have presented a hand in counseling families and offered a non-judgmental support to all victims and this has been hand in hand with volunteering time and money to the local programmes that work to end domestic violence in our area,” says Mukabagire.

Mukabagire urges mothers who are facing domestic violence to talk to a trusted friend or be patient until trusted family counselors present themselves.

"I just want to encourage mothers to stay strong and focused in bringing up their children well, and they should know that a bad circumstance should not  make them bad mothers with temper. Guilt can be paralysing and they should get the energy instead to plan great things ahead,” says Mukabagire.
"Finally, our consistent support of mothers constitutes an essential intervention in the lives of our children, whereby we empower them to be able to make positive changes in their lives and support their healing process,” she continued.

She adds that this is one of the most important keys to helping children heal and to break the intergenerational cycle of violence among themselves.
 As children begin to express their feelings and to understand the causes and effects of their behaviour, they are able to begin changing the patterns in their lives.

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