…make St. Valentine’s Day more important than it actually is.

I have just been told that today is a very special day. Apparently it’s a special day for lovers. Being a Hater I think this day has nothing to do with me and I therefore hate those people who keep talking about it as if it is more important than my birthday or Jesus’ birthday.

The interesting thing is that, those who think it is a big deal to have a day for lovers forget that it also implies that the remaining 364 days belong to The Hater because I currently own the monopoly to hate.

Please, do not forget that tomorrow will be a Monday and most of the bosses I know do not love their employees and the reverse is true! 

…dress inappropriately because of Valentine’s Day.

I don’t know where the idea of having to dress up in red and black on Valentine’s Day came from. I just can’t see how the colour of my trousers and shirt are supposed to magically turn me into a very romantic guy.

Actually most people really become romantic when they are wearing Adam’s colours (nothing at all). I just hate those who throw out any idea of fashion sense all in the name of adhering to the red and black dress code.

Last year I actually saw a moving black suit and red tie. Shortly after I realised that they belonged to a very dark skinned man who had decided to smile…that was the only way I could see him!

…buy plastic flowers for their lovers.

If your intention is to show your REAL love then I think you ought to buy REAL flowers. I always see in movies when a girl gets flowers from her boyfriend, she goes ahead to smell them.

Now how do you expect your lover to smell your cheap plastic flowers? Plastic flowers can only smell like plastic just like a plastic Jerry can, basin or plastic cup! I know the plastic flowers may last longer but that is a stupid excuse since Valentine’s is just one day.

I hereby call upon all those girls who have received plastic flowers to throw out their joking boyfriends. You can call me instead. At least I know where real flowers are sold!

…send their lovers romantic messages on Valentine’s Day.

I have realised that love is indeed the most joked about issue these days. Thanks to technology, some part-time thinkers believe that all they have to do today is to send a romantic text message to their loved one. Unless your lover is out of town, do not be fooled by this cheap gesture (MTN, Rwandatel and Tigo have offered discounts on sms!)

You should be spending time with your lover not reading text messages from him or her. If she/he sends you a text message instead of spending time with you then maybe you are not his/her number one but number two, three or even numberless. How about that?    

…forget me when Valentine’s Day comes around.

I spend most of my time hating and very little time is left for me to love. However some of you keep saying that you love me and that you enjoy the ‘good’ things I do every Sunday.

I am now waiting to see if you always mean what you say. I am waiting for some real flowers and real chocolates today.

If I don’t get anything from you by midnight yet you always say you love me then I will delete you from my phonebook and Facebook account. Then of course I will hate you since it’s what I do best.  

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to + 250 758 545293.

The Hater