When things become elephant one has to devise ways of surviving. I have been suffering from drought of the throat.

That is to say that my throat has not had some frothy liquids flowing down into the blood system. This is mainly due to severe sanctions that my host Aggrey has imposed on me. Aggrey has of recent been in a bad mood especially after finding out that I forged his signature at Caimen a few weeks ago.

It was one of those nights when you thought you’d invited 3 people for a drink at Caimen only to realize that a whole battalion has shown up to guzzle as much as possible.  

So on that fateful night, I was shocked when a sizeable group of my SFB classmates turned up at Caimen in the name of celebrating.

They were not celebrating the fact that they had passed their taxation papers at SFB.

No way! Instead they were celebrating my return from Kira dodora land where I had gone to mint cash by teaching payroll clerks on how to use MS Excel in their day to day duties. What my SFB classmates never knew was that my visit to Buja had been a major flop.

That is why they proceeded to enjoy all tribes of booze until midnight. When the bill finally arrived, I just confidently signed the bills and attached Aggrey’s business card.  

I am told that when the bill was mailed to Aggrey, he had no choice but to settle it. This was not amusing at all. He vowed to pay me back for my dishonesty. Although Aggrey is the one who pays my SFB school fees, he never pulled the plug.

He decided to continue supporting me pursue studies. However he decided to pull the plug where it mattered most.

He stopped buying me booze! He ensured that his fridge at home was permanently locked. He also ensured that I could not escort him anymore to his favourite joints.  

As a result, I have now developed a serious bout of throat drought. My throat is suffering so much due to the lack of Amstels and Bell beers. I have sent several apology messages to Aggrey but he has refused to lift his sanctions.

I am really on the verge of collapsing. That is why I have decided to open up Plan B. My Plan B is to convene some of my SFB colleagues plus a few other supporters such as Mr. Villager of the Mfashumwana fame.

I am thinking of forming a task force which will approach the leaders of the land for some assistance. Yes! I will lead this task force in quest for a Bonne année party.  

My plea is simple. Throw a New Year party for us. We have seen on TVR news several Bonne année parties since late last year. These parties have been a good source of nosh and drinks.

People have had the chance of wining and dining with our leaders and in the process several litres of frothy drinks have wet hundreds of throats.

I am guessing that this would be the perfect cure for this terrible throat drought. I am therefore going to talk to some IT experts so that we open up a Diaspoman website so that interested parties could sign up.

One of the conditions for membership is that the applicant should be an owner of a very thirsty throat.  

Once the diaspo website is up and running, we shall monitor registration so that the number of applicants is neither very small nor very big.

At the right time, I shall then e-mail the list of applicants to the responsible office which would hopefully arrange for us a mega Bonne année party.

It is at this party that we shall finally quench the terrible thirst that has hit our throats. As for me, I would not have to beseech Aggrey anymore until perhaps after two weeks.  
Ho! This sounds just great! I can’t wait to register the diaspo website as soon as possible. I guess prospective applicants may have to start searching for the website. You may search via Google or MSN or Yahoo.

I guess my IT friends will give it the following address; www.diaspoman.com. I am also thinking that my IT people will add some enticing phrases such as; "the only website which will offer treatment for throat drought” O.K, good luck as you log in and see you soon at the Bonne année party! 

diaspoman@yahoo.com