Dear Aunt Silvia,

I am a twenty five -year-old employed man working upcountry, with a vision of having my future wife in five years to come. To have a trustful future wife, I have a 20-year-old girl friend that is completing her secondary school next year.

She resides in Kigali and we only meet each other during holidays. It’s now four months of our courtship. In the first days of our relationship, her uncle once called me asking me about my affairs with this girl.

I told him everything since my vision was not to destroy this young girl but taking care of her as we wait for our marriage day to mature.

Her uncle responded positively to me and even asked to meet me and I did. Now after this girl left her uncle’s place to stay with her ageing grand mum, our love is melting at a fast and disappointing level.

We used to communicate frequently but lately she sometimes refuses to pick the phone. One day she said she was in a bar with a friend and called later to say she was spending the night at the friend’s.

It was a horrible moment for me when I received a call from a friend, telling me that my girlfriend was sleeping with a certain foreign man who works in Rwanda.

This friend of my mine stays near this foreigner’s apartment and knows my girlfriend but she doesn’t know him. I failed to travel from upcountry to Kigali at the moment but decided to remain in my house suffocating.

When I later called her, she said she was at home sleeping. She later switched off her phone. Later, my friend told me how my girlfriend has been coming to this guy’s house several times.

This is how far my girlfriend has gone but I attribute all she is doing to a peer group she has joined after leaving her uncle’s house. Should I erase her from my mind? She is continuing to both disappoint me and destroy her future.
Kalisa D.

Dear Kalisa D,

I empathize with you. You are in a dilemma because your girlfriend and yourself have what we call a distance relationship, to which I must admit, is very hard to maintain especially at that young age.

You seem to have a sense of direction, and the kind of a person who knows what he wants in life. But unfortunately your girlfriend is like a flag that goes by the way wind blows.

Right now she does what she wants to just because there is no one to query her movements, she no longer lives with her strict uncle, you are not near her, and maybe her grandmother might be too old to take good care of her the way her uncle used to.

Deal with this problem head on like a man if you are intending to live a prosperous and healthy life. I would advise you to call for a meeting between you, your girlfriend, her uncle and grandmother.

Tell them what you suspect, and what the girl told you about her being in a bar enjoying her beer with a friend. Hear her out as to what drives her to do such things, and then let her relatives comment.

After which you will make your judgment, then hand her over to her relatives and inform them that you now have nothing to do with their girl.

They should ask her about her new found friend and his address so that come tomorrow and she goes missing in action- then they will know where to find her.

Life is very precious you don’t go throwing yours to the dogs. You are still young, go out there socialize and you will meet a decent girl with whom you will find love again, and she will make you a proud husband!             

Happy New Year 2010!

Ends