Santa’s Army
A man was coming out of church on Christmas day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always did, to shake hands.

He grabbed the man by the hand and pulled him aside.

Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend said, "I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, "How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”
He whispered back, "I’m in the Secret Service.”

Children’s X-Mas Carols
A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols.

She probably got fired for mentioning Christmas in school. Anyway here are some of the humorous lines she received:

Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
We three kings of porridge and tar
On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me

Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

He’s making a list, chicken and rice.
Noel. Noel, Barney’s the king of Israel.
With the jelly toast proclaim
Olive, the other reindeer. (All of the other reindeer)

Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
Sleep in heavenly peas n the meadow we can build a snowman, and then pretend that he is sparse and brown

You’ll go down in listerine
Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

O come, Froggy faithful

Ends