The last time I went to church, was on the 2003 New Years day. Sorry I was late but at least got the last words of the pastor’s message which I happen to remember. "Bring money if you want God’s house and I will anoint you,” he concluded.

And now last Sunday, as I was cleaning up, and getting ready for a comeback to church, my sweetheart showed up, all in tears.

Her senior pastor had tried making love to her by force; thank God he hadn’t succeeded, according to her by the way. The poor thing had gone to his (Pastor’s) office for counseling, shame!

I know these girls sometimes act those scenes like its real, but why then should the pastor go before the sheep to repent. I am talking of this pastor who repented on television begging for mercy from the parents of the young boys he had raped.

Actually, it’s no longer with pastors only but even the choir leaders, these sexy ladies who say God Tests hearts and not micro-mini skirts in church.

These ladies use one scripture more often than any other (scripture), "Whenever we ask for forgiveness, the heavenly father will forgive us.” They use this verse to sin and at the same time remain saints.

150 years ago, saints like Maria Gorretti and Hombey left their homes in Europe to share the poverty of the Africans they taught the Good News to.

150 years later, the reverse works. I start a small church in my house, and name it after a world renowned temple. I will later invite these guys to my church and they give me money.

After two years, I fly with my family to make life in the US and hand over the leadership of my church to juniors.

If this does not work, I will go to the streets with my camera and take pictures of dirty street kids.

I will then fly and ask for a hand from the white man to look after these people. I’m sure of returning with bucks on my back and buy a Hummer or build with glass.

The ‘miracle style’ is my favourite; making videos of guys I healed or even rose from death. I will of course go to the US and get paid. On returning, I will teach these people about ‘prayer and perseverance’ while I send my boys to Cambridge. One artist sang ‘The messiah grew up in one robe’. Why pile hundreds of millions in the bank while you have hundreds of hungry neighbours.

Look at my plan now; I am also going to start my own congregation. I will be teaching these saints to take sides and stop hurting God. Will you be there for me? I will see you there!

Ends