Depending on the time you read this, good morning or good evening Brethren and Sistren. Today I am here on serious things, not the usual Rambling Mind. This one I come with the toughness of an Askari and the seriousness of a news anchor.

These guys (I mean TV anchors) are so mean; they never laugh or cry in reaction to the story they have just read. I mean can’t you guys (for example Eddie Nkurukenzire) cry a little bit after reading an item with grim images of Al Shabab fellows massacring innocent people or Tsunami’s wiping out what used to be a community?

I swear if I was a news anchor I would laugh out loud on some of these things that happen in this crazy world. Read on; let me go on like as if am reading news live on TV.

International news: Stockholm, Sweden. The Swedes, the descendants of blood thirsty Vikings, for those of you who know your history like me, have continued to become as creative as their ancestors, they have found a new use for rabbits: converting them into environmental friendly bio-diesel.

Don’t shudder yet, according to a one Der Spiegel, one of the people who made this historical breakthrough (I assume he studied Rabittological Petroleum Science), anything that has biological life, including humans can be converted into bio-diesel.

This discovery comes at a vital time when stray rabbits have continued to become a menace in Sweden. So the plan is to shoot them, frozen them first and ship them to a heating plant where they will be turned into very clean fuel.

Despite protests from Animal rights activists, the Swedes claim the bunnies are such a menace that even eating them cannot help.

"A menace; a plague of wild and stray pet rabbits is devouring the city’s parks. Some 3,000 have been killed thus far this year, down from 6,000 last year,” Tommy Tuvunger, a professional hunter who works for the city is quoted to have said.

As a result, a company Konvex, which makes automotive and heating fuels from vegetables and animal oils and fats, has been hired to do the work, imagine!!! Already in the US, a company Conoco Phillips and Tyson is making bio fuel from pork and chicken fat, usually eaten as food.

This happens while some other people in other parts of the world are dying of hunger.

Seriously, why not package these rabbits, chicken and pork and ship it to these parts of the world where people are starving? Tonnes and tonnes of Maize I hear are also used to make bio-diesel.

For God’s sake, why not send this maize to Northern Kenya and Ethiopia where they can transform the maize into Ugali to fuel human engines? Just asking anyway.

Wait a moment, meanwhile, there was a group known as The Yes Men, in 2007 which attempted to convince the World that Vivoleum, a proposed fuel to be made from dead people—was the fuel of the future. So no more burying people just sell them off to the nearest collection point, the bigger the better. Crazy indeed!

Meanwhile talking of crazy stuff, who knows the Al Shabab? These are the fellows whose job is to ensure that Somalia never becomes peaceful forever, later on the whole world.

I have really hahad these fellows, they never cease to amaze. They are for World Cup.

Latest news from Somalia indicates that Islamic militants have officially banned the use of musical ringtones. So the order is no more of those rhythmic Amayobera, Akaramata or Kibaluuma ringtones for Somalis, just the Hadith readings and Koranic verses.

Whoever does not abide with this rule and their Chinese phones happens to bellow out one of those tunes will be shot on sight.

Now I am tempted to think that a few Al Shabab men deployed here can save us from some of these annoying ringtones some of our people proudly put on the highest volume.

I swear the other day I almost strangled someone whose phone rang so loud that it could serve as an alternative mobile disco at a village party.

kagire_eddie@yahoo.com