Dear Aunt Silvia,

My neighbour flirts so much with my husband. She is a housewife with three children and her husband is out of town a lot.

When I get home late from work I find that she has fed my children and brought some tasty dessert for my husband.
This behaviour infuriates me but my husband and children have nothing but praise for her.

I, however, do not trust her and I have been forced to carry work home so that I can keep an eye on things. Should we move house or am I being too possessive and paranoid?

Jeanne.

Dear Jeanne,

In present times we are forced to interact with many people that we do not like at work, home and social places.

Many are choosing to live in communities with others for the sake of safety and convenience. This means that on occasion we must learn how to live with others even if we are not fond of them.

Space and privacy become compromised in such settings.
Your neighbour has overstepped her boundaries and you feel threatened by that.

You do not trust her and you would rather she stays away from your family. Your instincts tell you that there is a need to protect your family from her. Unfortunately your husband and children do not share the same sentiments and seem to hold her in high esteem.

This has forced you to take defensive actions in order to ward off her advances. Your neighbour’s blatant imposition leaves you feeling insecure about yourself and your marriage.

Hearing her being praised for her cooking skills annoys you because it feels like what you do for your family goes unnoticed and unappreciated.

Your neighbour is probably a very lonely woman with little to occupy her time. Take this event to be a blessing in disguise.

Through it, you are able to see what weaknesses there are in your relationship with your husband. Take time to talk things over with your husband and let him know that it makes you insecure to see him accepting gifts from your neighbour.

Look at what you have prioritised in your life so far and see if it needs adjusting. Learn also to anticipate the needs of your husband and children so that you are not surprised in future.

Spend time wisely on activities that add value to your relationships at home. Moving out and being hostile will not help the situation.

Be confident in the bond that you share with your family and keep it strong and resilient. This way nothing or no one will be able to move you.

Ends