In Rwanda, dating has more in common with the construction industry than any other field; we call marriage "construction” or Kwubaka because it involves the building of one or two lives. So I will tell it like it is in construction terms, whereby, dating becomes a project.

Firstly, you identify possible projects, and then you conduct a feasibility study (technical and financial) into the benefits and costs of embarking on such a project.

You ask around about the project to your friends "what is she like? Has she had many boyfriends?” because if you are embarking on a project where many better men have failed then you should take stock.

So you have identified the project, then you have to know when tenders are going to be solicited.

The bad experience from the previous project manager, might have scared her for a while, putting in a tender too soon, might harm your chances, but being late will also be bad. So it is a case of timing.

When the time of bid-solicitation comes up, you want to have already made her aware of the benefits of your bid, not just financial or emotional "I’ll let you do whatever you want; you can get drunk every night.” But you know that is false.

Most bids in Kigali are secret, you will not know who the other bidders are, but they’ll know who you are.

You should never declare a bid openly, however confident you are, because other bidders will block your bid to spite you. For the girl, it is a mine-field; she knows that 95% of the bidders are merely speculators hoping to get a quick buck.

Of the other 5%; most are being pressured by family, others don’t know what they want, and the rest are in above their heads.

When the tendering process begins, they demand a non-refundable deposit of love, devotion and obedience.

You have to provide Just in Time logistics, she’ll just inform you of where she is and hang up "I’m at UTC” and you are meant to get several speeding tickets lest she be late. She can sub-contract the transport and logistics to another bidder, and you slowly lose your contract.

You must always remember this is merely a bidding process; until you have delivered the project on time, you are still a bidder. Some girls want merely design, others want design and build, but most want just turn-key projects; this is where they just arrive on the wedding day and move in and turn the key without having helped build the house.

The worst is when you work hard on a project, only for another contractor to come in and claim all the glory.

Sometimes, a project has been abandoned for so long that most contractors are scared to touch it, so the girl has to create interest somehow.

She can create a fake tender, this creates curiosity and suddenly people are interested again, and then we have a bidding war. The fake tender sets the price artificially high; it becomes a prestige project that people are even looking to make a loss on.

All in all, whatever the down-sides of the tendering process, when the house is built it stays built, no man can tear asunder what society helped build. In the old days, the village got together to build a house in a day, but today things are different.

It could take 20 years before you own a home, but what matters more than the bricks is the emotional bonds you build. That is why we call it construction.

Ends