Saying "I love you,” especially repeatedly, often pushes your partner away and in essence, probably does not reflect the truth of what you really want to say.

What does it mean to say, "I love you?” especially at this juncture in your relationship? Do you know? Does he/she?

The words "I love you” are powerful in the beginning stages of a relationship where they match the underlying powerful feelings of attraction.

"I love you” then means: I’m attracted to you. I want to be with you. I experience good feelings when I am with you or think about you.

Or, the words are powerful later in the relationship when special occasions recall the feelings that brought you together or when the stability of the relationship is temporarily threatened and you express your commitment to your partner.

But, when in the midst of dealing with an affair, using the words "I love you” are inadequate and in reality, poor communication.

They do not express what you really want to say. Nor does your partner, who is allegedly "in love” with another person, know what to do with that statement.

Here are ways your spouse might respond internally when she hears those words from you:

Yeah right! What does he want now? He is just saying that so I will not leave. Or, he is just saying that so I will leave the other man. He is using that to manipulate me. So, I will walk away or not say anything.

She loves ME? Yeah right! How can she love me when I do something like this? It doesn’t make sense. Who would love someone who fools around on them? If she fooled around on me, I know I would not love her.

Hey, this is cool having two of them (men) wanting me. it feels great to be pursued by two people. It is great to be loved by two people. (This may not be acknowledged but it might lie behind a need to continue drama).

He loves me? What is the world does that mean? What is she trying to say when he says that? I do not understand. Is that all she can say? Is not there more he needs to say to me? How am I to respond? Say, "I love you too?” Personally, it is not that simple.

I hate it when she says, "I love you.” That really makes her unattractive. She seems so sickeningly needy when she says that. It really turns me off. When she says it, I think of a droning lost little girl who needs reassurance. Sorry, but I’m not there. I do not want to be a father.

What are you really saying? Here are some possibilities. Do any fit?

"I love you,” means I need you. My life is incomplete or insufficient without you. I have little clue of who I am outside of you and I need you to define who I am. I cannot think of having a life of my own.

"I love you” means do not leave me. I am afraid of life on my own. I am terrified of what might happen. Tell me you love me, and that you will be there for me so I do not have to think of making my own way. Calm my fears, because I am not sure I can.

"I love you,” means I am a wimp. I do not want to rock the boat. I do not really want to confront you with what I am really thinking and feeling. I do not want to take a stand and say ENOUGH. I will tolerate almost anything.

"I love you,” means I am sad. It feels sad to see the relationship and dreams crumble. It is sad to feel the distance, mistrust, pain and agony. It is sad to think of that which might never happen. It is sad to think of maybe not growing old with you.

"I love you” means I remember with loving feelings who you were and who I was. I remember who we were. I remember the good times and the way it used to be. I remember what it was like to love and be there for each other. I miss that. I love and cherish those memories and maybe, that’s all they are.

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