Dear Aunt Silvia,

My elder brother is married with one child. He loves his family very much but he is losing weight dramatically and no one seems to notice that something is wrong with him except me.

I think he has a serious problem which he is not sharing with anyone. One thing I know is that his wife is a drama queen, always causing scenes. How do I help my brother when he is not talking to anyone?

Alba.

Dear Alba,

It is very difficult to help a person whom you suspect has a problem, yet the person is not sharing it with anyone.

Your brother seems to be an introvert, someone who keeps everything to themselves, very difficult to crack so it is not easy to pass through them and to know their inner feelings.

You have mentioned that you have a drama queen for a sister-in-law? Even though you think she might be the cause of your brother’s unhappiness, you must tread very carefully.

It is not easy for anyone to solve problems between married people, in most cases when you poke your nose before they ask for your help, they consider it as breach of privacy.

I know how you feel watching your brother hurting before your eyes, but then you have limited access to him since he is not willing to share his problems with anyone, making it very difficult for you to help him.

Another thing is that while you might suspect your sister-in-law being the trouble maker she is; you still have to look at it from another angle.

Maybe he is not happy with other things besides his marriage and being his drama queen of a wife.

It is said that one man’s meat is another man’s poison; you might be looking at your sister-in-law as a drama queen and unworthy to be your brother’s wife, but then if the wearer of the shoe is least bothered who are you to complain?

I know it is only natural for one to feel for their kin, but it is always advised to keep away unless that kin has asked for your help.

I suggest that instead of casting a stone at your sister-in-law, maybe you should seek her help so that both of you help your loved one.

You might be surprised that maybe the wife has not noticed any difference in her husband, and might actually be shocked to learn that her spouse is not his normal self, and be ready to help.

If the two of you can’t get much out of your brother’s mouth, then maybe you can try to exploit all avenues of his life to find out what the problem really is.

Try his place of work and talk to his closest colleague and confidant or even his closest friend and share your worries with them, they might shed a light to what you are looking for or give you all the answers and solve your worries.

If push comes to shove, force him to see a professional counselor for help because whatever problem he is keeping to himself might explode like a volcano one day leading to worse damage.

Ends