This is it!!! I am back and am back for good. I know haters are wishing I don’t make a major comeback return like Michael Jackson. This is it, this is my return as the official rambler and to my loyal readers, I won’t disappoint again. I am here to stay.

I don’t owe anyone an explanation but if you really think I do, here is why. A lot happened while I was away.

The recession hit me hard and I could not think anymore, MJ passed away, Ramadhan, my Chinese Blackberry continued to rebel against me, my sister got married yesterday while my girlfriend is insisting we should do the same but the most pressing issue that kept me away has been my house help.

He is a pain, he gives me not time to think of anything that could make my readers laugh or grin at least in an attempt to laugh.

So all in all I did not want to seem like I am the stand up comedian who laughs at his own jokes, while the audience is sleeping or for those not sleeping get the time to read The Sunday Times copy they came with.

Besides, I knew you had better things to do, like watch football now that the season is back, watch…er RTV or better still go and checkout Nakumatt even when you have nothing to shop for (I hear people go there just to make rounds but at the end of the tour come out empty handed.

I think Nakumatt should start charging entry fee, though I swear this is totally none of my business).

That’s why I really had to keep off while I dealt with my not so well behaved house help. You really think I am coming up with lame excuses? Let me take you through my …scenarios…with this young man.

My housemate and I sat and thought that now that we are fully employed, let’s also return the government a favour by employing one of the jobless citizens, after all we have outgrown some of the house chores like washing plates (I am not mentioning laundry because I dread that), mopping the floor, brushing shoes et cetera.

After making a few calls here and there (As if we were advertising for a job), a friend volunteered to get us a boy who could take up the job, she indeed fulfilled her promise, the boy came the next day, straight from Muhanga (Iyahoze ari Gitarama or the reverse is true).

After a spell of negotiations, he settled for a monthly payment of 10k.

Immediately, he was given his job description which included making sure that as bachelors, we should abandon the habit of eating in restaurants commonly referred to as Ndagaswi to eating from our own abode, having all clothes washed and pressed and the beds laid, surely his payment would come at month end.

All was well (and it is still is) but, the most unfortunate thing was, our immediate and only neighbours (they are also bachelors, we leave for work and return later in the night at the same time) had a house help of the opposite sex.

As fate would have it, the kitchens are so close that these two have to somehow interact during their course of duty. As time went on, they really got to know each other and by the time we knew it, they were tight friends. 

Our used-to-be-so-good boy started deteriorating in manners. He soon began answering us in a very disrespectful manner and would be hesitant when you sent him for something.

We started noticing whatever he bought was less than the amount of money we gave him. He literally started giving us bad services. After every two days we would buy power worth Rwf 2000 and it would be over in the next two days.
My housemate who leaves for work earlier than I do would leave him with money to buy food and I would also wake up later and give him money.

It went on and on until one day, I eavesdropped on a conversation between the two house helps.

The neighbour’s maid, known for her ill ways, was telling ours that if he doesn’t learn to shop less than what he was told and keep some money for himself (Kugavura), he would go back to Gitarama a poor boy.

The boy took the advice very well and he did that in the true sense of it.

One time when we run out of power in the middle of dinner, I got angry and ordered the boy to bring the cash power receipt-the last we had purchased or he gets fired that night.

Realising how busted he was, he fidgeted around and got a cash power receipt with 2000 francs thinking he had rescued his job, only for me to check and the receipt was dated way back in February.

Poor boy thought I had never gone to school. We there and then ordered him to pack his bags and sleep on the next bus to Gitarama or better still wander around Kigali, may be he could get another job.

I assured him how buying power worth 500 instead of 2k is unforgivable.

He begged to stay a night at least but we could not reverse the decision, not until he confessed all his indecent acts. He went on and on about how he used to cheat us and finally promised not to do it again.

We have since then forgiven him but he has continued to become a liability than an asset.

To be continued…I swear

Ends