Please help me... I know that what I am about to ask is wrong, and that you will probably tell me to back off and it is not what it seems like, but I need to know, it’s about what my friend Sheila recently confided in me. 

She said, "I have been in a relationship for 3 years. My relationship is no longer happy or exciting. Lately I have been thinking about someone else, all the time.

I have met a man through my sister as they are colleagues. He is a father of 5. But this man is attractive and instantly caught my eye.”

To "cut” the long story short, Sheila  is now having an affair with this man , who is apparently 10 years older than her . Her worry is that she feels she loves this man so much that she would want to "marry him” yet this is impossible.

Unless the man files for divorce, something he is not about to do. Just like any other man, at the end of the day, his family means more to him than his girlfriend.

While most of the time thoughts are uncontrollable, the fact remains that having sensual thoughts about a married man is wrong and unforgivable.

No matter how exciting and romantic your relationship with this married man can get, at the end of the day, he remains "somebody else’s man” and not yours.

The trick is, if you know you are attracted to this man – avoid him. Do not give him chance to take advantage of your feelings.

If you allow yourself to think about him, definitely you are going to find it difficult to stay away from him. You need to try to not think of him at all, because as you already know, he is married and has made some big commitments.

The best thing to do is to try to not think about him. You can do that by trying to think of him as being ugly, and a total jerk, this usually will turn off most people, so that you do not think about him anymore.

Conversely for a woman whose husband is cheating, it is important to know that infidelity in marriage, while devastating, is usually a simple indicator that the person is unfulfilled in an area of the marriage, either physically or emotionally.

(In some cases, however, your spouse may simply be a flirt, with one long string of unfaithfulness). And as a matter of fact people having affairs are just watering somebody else’s garden, while neglecting their own.

When you get married, you feel like your partner is practically flawless. Yet, over time, some partners can develop some rather nasty habits.

While both of you have the responsibility to keep the relationship/ marriage in perfect shape, you must always make sure you have done your very best to save your relationship. When you have done your best, when the relationship fails, chances are that you will not blame your self.

By the time an affair happens, the bonds of a relationship are broken. The only way to begin again is to truly start at a beginning – and that is never easy.

It is very difficult not to feel rejected when you have been cheated on, but that is exactly what you must work on.

And if you are no longer desire to be in a monogamous relationship, are not getting your needs met for whatever reason, you are obligated to tell the other person. This is the decent and right thing to do.

For the single ladies, forget about married men, they will only use you and dump you. Surely you can do much better!!!!!!!!
ubernie@gmail.com