I recently bought a piece of land in Nyarutarama, (please do not tell the Umuvunyi/ Ombudsman, I registered it in the name of my nine months old girl).I am proud of my plot of land; it is on top of the hill so I sit up there and look at the miserable people down at the foot of the hill and feel angry at them. They do not work hard enough. 

My plot of land is wonderful; it has some fruit trees, wild and planted ones. The other day I found some dirty children from the village below eating my fruits and I chased them away telling them something about their mothers.

They run away, some crying out of fear and others because they were hungry. But when I looked, wow, there were birds and wild animals eating my fruits: they were my birds and animals.

They ate my fruits and I was happy because all were mine. So I went closer to visit my animals but they disappeared into the holes they have dug for themselves in my plot of land. Shy animals! But they are mine.

So I went to visit my birds eating my fruits but they flew away! They did not go very far away. They simply flew from my plot of land to the plot adjacent to mine. Bad birds! I will buy that plot so that when they fly away they parch in my land again.

I will buy the plots next to mine so that I do not have neighbours. It is not good to have neighbours; I want to own all the land so that it becomes mine.

Then I will have no people to compete with me. The whole hill and the village will be mine and then my birds will remain mine when they fly away.

I will fence my plot so that my wild animals remain mine and do not go to other people’s plots: then they will surely be mine, alone. The neighbours should not lay claim to my birds and wild animals.

I intend to build a very big mansion in my plot of land. It will have 12 rooms each with its amenities. Not that I have that number of children to stay in each but they will be mine in my house. No, I will not stay in each room but in one bedroom.

I want to look down on the other people’s homes and feel good: it is good to know that you are better than others, your wife more beautiful than others’ and your house bigger than others’.

I will build a wall fence so tall that other people will not see my beautiful house and then it will be only me to see the beauty of my house.

There is a road near my plot of land and I intend to use it alone. People should not use my road. The road should be mine to use. Others can use other roads and not mine. Then I will put a signpost announcing to everyone that the road is mine.

People have a tendency to crowd roads and I want mine to be mine alone.

I will have a compound that can accommodate many vehicles. Well, I will not use all the vehicles at any one time but it is good to have very many parked in your compound when others don’t have any.

Then I will look out and see my vehicles; all parked in front of my house in my compound and it feels good to know that others do not have any, yet I have so many. The high wall fence will prevent others from looking at my vehicles because they are mine. 

I will build a football and a volleyball pitch inside my compound so that I can play my games and score my goals and win my games in my compound. I do not want to play with others in my games.

The games and the compound shall be mine and I do not want others to share with me. Others are lazy and do not work hard so I will not allow them to share my games and pitches.

I will only allow other people to see my cars, my wife, my children and my other things when I go to show them how their lives should have been had they been like me; hardworking, educated, known to the people that matter and had a well paying, senior government job.

I will accuse them of being lazy and avoiding hard work. Then my wife and children will show how far I have moved from the days gone by buying only tinned things; tinned food, tinned milk, tinned water and tinned everything from the supermarkets so that I compete with whites, use some and throw away the leftovers and expired ones for the children of lazy ones to pick eat and use.

Then I will look at my plot of land say I am the owner of this land, its birds and wild animals, its fruits, its road and my house in my compound. Everything is mine. Yes, everything.

Ends