As a mother of two teenagers, I always dreaded the sex education talk. But I was forced to start the conversation when they were around seven years old due to the sad story of a 15-year-old girl, Claire (not her real name).

Claire was in primary six when she met a bicycle cyclist more than twice her age. She often saw him riding his bicycle while she walked to school. One day, he offered her a lift, which she gratefully accepted since she had to trek a long distance to school. After just two rides, the man started whispering sweet promises of love and protection, assuring her that she couldn't get pregnant from just one time of passion. Trusting his words, Claire accepted that one romantic night.

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Weeks later, Claire realized that she had been deceived. Pregnant and afraid, Claire did not know where to turn. She had never had a conversation with a responsible adult about sex or sexuality. Not with a parent, a trusted elder, or a teacher.

My children, upon hearing Claire's story, were shaken and full of questions. I gathered them close and told them that this is why it’s so vital for us to have open, honest conversations about sex and sexuality. I emphasized that our home should always be a safe space where they can talk about anything, without fear or shame.

As I spoke, I could see the worry in their eyes begin to ease, and my own resolve to equip them with the tools they need deepened.

Sex education from parents, teachers, and other responsible adults MUST begin at an early age, providing the information that will help young people make informed decisions. Furthermore, this foundational guidance must be complemented by formal education in schools.

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In Rwanda, however, progress has been mixed. In October 2022, parliament rejected a bill proposing over-the-counter access to contraceptives for teenagers, citing reasons rooted in cultural beliefs and faith. Yet five months later, Rwanda’s public schools launched a comprehensive sexuality education toolkit. This followed a decision by Rwanda Education Board to integrate sex education in the school curriculum and training teachers on the programme. While promising, significant gaps remain to be addressed.

The education toolkit includes teaching students about reproductive system, sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/AIDs, teenage pregnancy, contraception, and abortion. However, it skirts crucial issues, including gender norms, consent, and power dynamics and responsibility, which are key for sex education to be comprehensive.

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These two developments: denial of contraception, and implementation of limited sexual education, highlight the critical gap in our approach to protecting the sexual and reproductive health of our young people.

By denying teenagers access to contraceptives and failing to fully equip them with information, we are perpetuating a cycle of ignorance and vulnerability. This affects not just the individuals directly involved, but entire communities and future generations.

Adolescents, unaware of the risks or of how to protect themselves, are more susceptible to infections such as HIV, which places a significant burden on public health systems. Ignorance also leads to teenage pregnancies, often leading young girls to interrupt or drop out of school, stifling their potential and career prospects. Children born to teenage mothers are more likely to face socio-economic challenges, creating a vicious cycle of poverty. According to the 2019-2020 Rwanda Demographic and Health survey, 5% percent of adolescent women aged 15-19 are already mothers or are pregnant with their first child.

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Schools, clearly, can and should do more. Parents need to as well. Yet, they often do not have the time, resources, or confidence to engage in these critical discussions with their children. To support parents, several measures can be implemented: offering workshops and training sessions to provide practical advice and strategies; developing brochures, websites, and Apps covering topics from anatomy to consent, and creating safe spaces for parents to share experiences and receive guidance from professionals.

Of course, some argue that providing teenagers with access to contraceptives, and even to sex education, may encourage risky behaviour and early sexual activity. While this concern is understandable, data shows the opposite - that providing access reduces risky sexual behaviour.

Also, the teenagers are already engaging in sexual activity, whether we acknowledge it or not.

Instead of burying our heads in the sand, we must confront this issue head-on.

So, I challenge parents, educators, and policymakers alike: let's prioritize comprehensive sexual education and access to contraception for teenagers to start as early as 13.

Let's bridge the gap between taboo and understanding, ensuring that every young person has access to the information and resources they need to make informed choices about their sexual health and protect themselves from unintended consequences.

Claire was forced to abandon her education and now sells low-cost roadside snacks, earning an income barely sufficient to support her child. This precarious situation leaves her vulnerable to further deception and the risk of another pregnancy.

As a parent, I’ve chosen to have open and honest conversations with my children about sex education.

This isn’t about being provocative but about empowering them with the knowledge and tools to develop healthy, respectful relationships—starting with honouring their own needs and making informed decisions about their futures

The author is a parent and communications professional that loves to tell stories.