…exchange business cards for the sake of it. Ok this has nothing to do with the fact that The Hater owns no business card.

I really don’t need one. My employers know me when they see my safari hat and never smiling face.

I am born to hate and today I am out for those people who are always giving out their business cards or asking for other people’s business cards and yet they have no intention of staying in touch.

Pretending not to even remember giving me your card is a sign of cheap arrogance, so, stop it now. And stop asking me for a business card.

Noteveryone treasures these things. Try asking H.E Paul Kagame for his business card and see. If you get it then I will give you two of mine!

…are trying to take advantage of other people’s generosity. I sometimes feel like I should stop writing and start moving around with a big stick.

Have you not met those people who once you take them out for a drink, they understand the opportunity as one to drink as much as possible and even ask for drinks they have not heard of before.

These thirsty brainless fellows will drink as if there are prizes to be won.

At the end of the drink up you find that after paying the huge bill you are certainly going to have to find them transport back home now that they cannot walk or speak clearly.

This act is not limited to a particular sex so when I start moving with my stick, none will be spared. 

…do not know their roles as bosses. A while ago I had beef for those who do not respect their bosses but today I am turning my guns to the bosses themselves.

Not all of them by the way (I have one and he could be reading this) but to those who fail to understand what they are supposed to do and instead blame everything on their juniors.

Some bosses want us to respect them the moment we see them. Unfortunately respect is earned and this happens more if the boss can respect himself or herself, too.

If you bosses do not change your ways, I will resign from being the potential head of my family as this is probably the only position I may get to hold as boss!  

…cannot respect the dead and allow them to rest in peace. It is really sad that a great musician like Michael Jackson passed away last week.

Many of us grew up listening to his music, watching his videos and trying to copy some of his dance moves (with high failure rates though). And therefore our love for him is so immense.

The problem is those of us who are now saying so many bad things about the man yet when he was still alive they were quiet.

It is even unAfrican to talk this way about the dead. I wish he comes for you tonight the way he did in his Thriller hit song.

I hope he starts with that bespectacled guy at The New Times who sits close to the door.  

…waste their entire lives trying to be what they are not. This may not go down well with some of you but this is not a love column after all, I am here to hate.

With all due hatred, I hate all those who spend their lives trying to copy and be something they are not and cannot even be.

For example, a now dead popular musician spent the whole of his life trying to be a white woman! He wasted all his fortune on bogus surgery to have a more ‘white’ nose and face.

He forgot that he was a black man and that his name was Michael Jackson not Diana Ross. I hope he is the last of his kind. 

I still hope he starts with that bespectacled guy at The New Times who sits close to the door. You know l am immune to ghosts! 

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to
thehater2009@gmail.com