It’s over 3 years now since I returned from the Diaspora. But so far, it’s not been quite a rollercoaster for me. Apparently, I have not yet got a permanent job but just small assignments here and there.

This time round, I’ve learnt that first impressions in life make a great impact. I am now depending so much on my long time buddy, Aggrey.

However I feel like it’s a huge burden on his shoulders. That is why I have laboured to search for any sort of occupation so that I could start making a few bucks.

Since job interviews have not gone my way, I have resorted to ‘Birakas’ around Kigali. ‘Biraka’ refers to small and short assignments; they could be in form of consultancy or car washing.

I tried the latter but decided to abandon it because it’s not the best idea for me, and therefore joined the world of consultancy.

Some people have recently spotted me trekking the streets of Kigali with a file under my armpit. I walk around dressed in a superb single breast suit and tie.

Even when the sun is shining bright and hot, you will spot me walking smartly clad in my suit. The temperatures are unbearable for one to be as smart as that, but I have no choice; it is the inconvenience of greatness.

I just walk all day long until my white shirt collar turns brown due to much sweating. All the offices I have approached have indicated a glimmer of hope. Yes, indeed most of these organizations have a few ‘Birakas’ waiting for me.

Their only problem with me is my brown collar. The body odour that accompanies such sweat is not helping me either. Recently I managed to get a positive answer to create a computer database.

This required me to post archived data for the past 5 years which was stashed away in old dusty box files. The dust that accompanied it was simply unbearable.

This caused sneezing and coughing, but I had to carry on and start building a C.V (Curriculum Vitae) from scratch. On my CV, I would indicate that my first job in Rwanda was a Database Systems Analyst.

The truth of the matter is that I was a simple Data Clerk who had got a ‘Kiraka’ in this powerful organization. When you are on a ‘Kiraka’ your name does not appear anywhere on the monthly payroll. Instead, you receive a limping cheque from the cashier on the last day of the month.

Aggrey was so happy for me. Wow! At least the Diaspoman can now wake up in the morning and head towards an office building! Anyhow, I continued to enjoy my ‘Kiraka’ until the day things became monkey for me.

You see, I always tried to impress my bosses that I was a really hard working fellow. In order to prove that I was a professional, I had to make sure that I was smartly dressed in a powerful suit and necktie.

I would proceed to my corner somewhere and start entering data into the computer. One day, my boss called me to his office and asked to work with him. There was something so urgent that he had to submit to his board of directors.

So, off I left my cubicle and humbly entered his office. I sat next to him as we tried to work out the report in record time. My boss was a casual guy.

That is why he just appeared in office dressed in a T-shirt and a pair of Levis Jean trousers. As we worked from his desk, a group of top class investors from the Asian region entered.

There is the English saying that "First impressions last longer!” The investors immediately assumed that I was the real boss since I was clad in a striking suit. They assumed that my boss was actually a lousy clerk helping me out with my work.

The investors immediately extended their hands to greet me! I tried to explain that I was not the boss but before I could utter a word, the investors started.

"Sir, can you please tell your clerk to leave us for a few minutes? We have some important issues to discuss with you Sir.”

Then they turned towards my boss who was dressed in a sports tracksuit, "Hey, don’t you understand the English? Please Vamoose from here because your boss has some serious issues to discuss with us.”

On my part, I quickly became crestfallen. This was total embarrassment! To make matters worse, my boss complied! He picked up his keys and walked out majestically.

As I frantically tried to explain the situation, the investors had started their Power Point presentation. I just sat back, watched and absorbed it all. I have not yet seen my boss since this incident took place.

I have a feeling that he will sack me due to impersonation, insubordination and usurping his powers from under his feet.
I pray that when I write this column next time, I shall still take up the lucrative ‘Kiraka’ in this organization…
 
diaspoman@yahoo.com