Rule number three in the book of bird hunting is: Always avoid gatherings/crowds if you can help it. The main reason behind this rule is because bird hunting is a dangerous profession and you have to understand that you have to always be on the lookout if you have to survive.

Birds are known to be quite selfish and jealous and they don’t take it lightly when they see you getting jiggy with another bird. When you as much as smile at one, she immediately signs ‘copyright’ papers in her head and would like to consider you as her physical property henceforth.

As a good bird hunter you need to understand and anticipate this so that you can know how to work around it. Now think about someone like me, the regional bird hunting champion who has hunted far and beyond.

Just imagine how many birds think they own me! That is why my life is no different from that of uncle Usama wa Laden. Whenever I venture into town during day light I make sure I put on glasses, a hood and a cap a la Tonto KK, otherwise I would end up causing a human traffic jam of sorts.

Just imagine me passing by Rubangura’s or UTC! All those birds assembled in those places would cry out in unison; "Bird Hunter, hi!” after that of course each of them would be surprised to know that everyone else knew me and you know what would follow.

They would forge quick solidarity, remove their shoes and chase after me through the streets shouting "Indaya! Indaya.” Now this would badly damage my CV because other birds that have not yet met me would spot me during the chase and that would be the end of my career.

Now I don’t want this to happen and that is why I take all possible precautions. But then you cannot avoid the wedding of a very close buddy, can you?

There are two reasons why I do attend colleague’s weddings in spite of the risks involved, resulting from breaking rule number 3 of bird hunting.

First and foremost, you all know how many texts that you receive between the first meeting and the actual wedding asking you to attend a wedding meeting.

Sometimes I wonder why they just don’t send a straight text message asking you to contribute and how much you should give.

Well, when it’s a real colleague, I always find no problem contributing a few thousands and having done this, I have to make sure that I go to the wedding and consume as much as I contributed.

The second reason is that it’s always good sportsmanship to say farewell and pay tribute to a retiring colleague. Whenever there is a wedding, it’s a minus one headache in the field of bird hunting hence the cause for celebration.

That’s why I went to this wedding last weekend (I liked the idea of holding a wedding on a Friday night because of the several attendant reasons!). But then I had underestimated this guy.

Having known him as a below average bird hunter for some time, I had underestimated the risk. I did not know that more than half of the Kigali birds would be in attendance.

What made matters worse; I arrived at the wedding during a power cut that lasted sometime. This made me complacent and I found myself venturing into the building’s interior, where the bride and groom were preparing to open the dance.

Then all of a sudden the lights came on, this time permanently. I found myself face to face with a bird that I had not seen for some time. The bird could not apparently hide her excitement upon seeing me after such a long time.

As she was bombarding me with millions of questions about where I disappeared to since our last date, another bird emerged from nowhere looking equally surprised to see me.

But since she could not express her excitement in the presence of the first bird which also looked like it had not had enough of me, she stood there, as if waiting for her turn. But this one was not ready to let go.

Perplexed, I could not answer her questions. For the first time in my bird hunting life I felt stupid. But then the mother of all birds joined the scene. This one surprised me because I did not even have the faintest memory of her.

But she came calling my name which means we had met at one time. I must have done something that did not please when we met because she started threatening violence and a crowd started forming around us.

I was saved by another power cut and for the remainder of my time at the wedding I was ducking and hiding. A close shave, they call it.

Ends