I am currently in a fix, a big dilemma! You see every time I come up with an action plan, something comes up and messes things big time. Well, I don’t think I should say ‘mess’ because in real sense, the AoB turns out to be more interesting than the item on the agenda and I end up tackling it (AoB) first. 

That is what happened to me last weekend, as I intimated to you, when, as I was trying to hunt for a real descendant of Florence Nightingale, I ended up  being possessed (pun intended) and falling in the arms of a patient.

Call it fate but I think that it’s experience at play here. No ordinary mortal can achieve these feats. Only a real hunter can be able to weave through these situations and emerge triumphant.

Ahem! Well, talking about real bird hunters, I spent last week trying to do research on the level of bird hunting in the country. You are wondering how one can conduct a comprehensive bird hunting research?

Well, you need to have more than a PhD in bird hunting to be able to conduct a professional research on this issue; otherwise the product would be substandard. There are three interesting characters that I have been observing for some time now.

Actually they have even been harbouring some ambitions of dethroning me, even going as far as declaring my tactics outdated! That is the principal reason I decided to conduct this research and chose the three characters as my principal models.

I really wanted to find out the quality of their tactics, and also establish the rate of the development of their tactics. This is essential to equip me with information I need on whether I should invent a defensive mechanism or even raise my standards -safe enough to disappoint the ambitions of these mediocres.

You see, they need to know that they are players playing in the third division league and cannot be promoted unless they work hard to reach the second division and eventually the first division, which I don’t see happening pretty soon because of what I found out during my research……

Sample1: There is this great buddy of mine, tonto KK. This is a guy who strongly believes that the only reason he has not been crowned Mr. Rwanda is because such a contest has not taken place. We were at a party on Saturday and he asked me whether I knew the reason why he always puts on dark glasses, a cap and a hood.

I told him I thought it was a question of fashion, that he admired the hip-hop dressing style. He laughed and informed me that his main reason was to actually hide his 50-cent looks. He confided that he feared that if he made a mistake of leaving his face unconcealed, no guy would hook a bird at the party because all of them would flap around him, each hoping to win his heart because of the fact that he looks like 50-cent! Results from sample 1 obtained.

Sample 2: Then there is this other guy who likes to call himself tonto roots or ruts. The guy, I should say, would have made a good bird hunter but for his lack of canniness. He is also too greedy for a hunter.

I recently took him to a bird hide out and started to observe him keenly and I report that I was not very amused. Before we left, the guy had sworn to me that he was too broke he could not even pay attention!

But when he was seated comfortably in the middle of a couple of shapely birds enjoying their touches, he started dishing out red BNR notes like he was another grand Ndengeye!  

By the time we left, what the guy had spent was enough to buy a brand new Hummer. A seasoned bird hunter uses not money but tactics, to win a bird’s heart. Results from sample 2 obtained

Sample 3: Last but certainly not least, there is this interesting guy, also a great buddy of mine who was born and brought up in the land of the one and only real kuku ngwendo wa zabanga, a great bird hunter of his time whose death is said to have been as a result of intensive bird hunting (the disease that killed him caught him somewhere in the bird feeds..).

This is a story for another day. I went with this guy to a cocktail and upon presenting him to a group of birds, he did not take long to expose his lack of skills in bird hunting.  First, he opened his upper shirt buttons to show off his golden chain.

Then he started showing off his Rado watch…then it was his car keys……before he could expose his Kalvin Klein underwear, I excused myself and left in protest!.....

Results from sample 3 obtained.

My research was complete. And my findings? This our country has had a very impressive upward trend in areas like the economy, peace, construction, cleanliness, football ……to name but a few, but it looks like we are really not doing well in bird hunting. Not at this rate.

Ends