Dear Aunt Silvia, I am a young man and engaged to be married in two months time. I found out that my fiancé had a child a long time ago when she was still a student. However, she has never disclosed this secret to me for the last 4 years that we have been together.
Dear Aunt Silvia,
I am a young man and engaged to be married in two months time. I found out that my fiancé had a child a long time ago when she was still a student.
However, she has never disclosed this secret to me for the last 4 years that we have been together. One of her cousins is the one who told me about it after taking one too many.
What I don’t understand is why my fiancé has decided to hide her child from me all this time. I went to her home and asked about the child and true that child resembles my fiancé very much; she knows I went to visit her parents and asked about the child but she has said nothing about it.
I don’t know why she chose not to tell me about her child, but I would have loved her more for her honesty and take in the child as ours. I want to call off the wedding because of this reason - but I still love her, what do I do?
Johnnie.
Dear Johnnie,
You are reacting very fast. The first thing you ought to have done before you went to her parents home uninvited to ask questions was to get answers from your fiancée and get to know the reason as to why she chose to hide her child from you.
I want to think that at the time you two started dating she didn’t know how far your relationship would go, and so she chose to keep her secrets to herself. By the time she realized the relationship was serious it was too late for her to reverse her story.
Many single parents are very protective of their children and rarely do they introduce the first man they are dating to their children the first night.
Children become attached to people very fast, and this can lead to so many unwanted case scenarios, whereby one is forced to marry a certain man because her children have developed a close relationship with the man, which ends up in unhappy marriage.
In your case, call your fiancée and talk to her. If push comes to shove call parents and families from both sides and iron out this issue. Let this small problem not deny you lifetime happiness with one woman that you love, and want to make her mother of your children.
To me, this is not much of a problem as long as she admits she is in the wrong. You can forgive her and then life continues. To show your seriousness you have to adopt her child the soonest before you add another brood to your set- so that you won’t have long stories to explain tomorrow when those children ask why their sister lives far from them.
Take it in your stride and be strong. Cheer up and receive my congratulations in advance.