It is hard to grow up without a father, but it is even more difficult when you do not know who your father is, and the chances of finding him or even his family are not just slim, but also non-existent.

The effects of growing up without a father can be quite diverse according to psychologists; from being emotionally needy to feeling abandoned or rejected and having low self-esteem.

For Christella Muhayeyesu, the impact of growing up not knowing her father and the circumstances surrounding her birth are truly disheartening and a source of endless pain and trouble for her, even until today.

From the onset, Muhayeyesu looked different, having been born to a Rwandan mother and a Caucasian father – reportedly a United Nations Peacekeeper who served under the United Nations Mission to Rwanda (UNAMIR), which was deployed in the country between 1993 and 1996, which means she is of mixed race.

The soft-spoken single mother of one in her early 30’s, does not know much about her father, apart from simply being told that he was a ‘MINUAR’ soldier, the French acronym the force was commonly known by, but efforts to trace him or even know his whereabouts or his family, have been futile.

"Growing up as a child, I found myself living with my grandparents on my mother’s side, in Kamonyi district, but I was told my mother died when I was two years old. I never got to see my father,” recalls Muhayeyesu.

Hearing impairment

From her early childhood, Muhayeyezu had a hearing problem. She was partly deaf in both ears, struggling to hear what the teacher was saying, which is when it dawned on her guardians and teachers that she was partly deaf in both ears.

"When my grandparents enrolled me in school at Cité Nazareth Kabgayi, I could not understand or hear what the teachers were saying. Sometimes I could just read people’s lips and signs, but I could not hear much,” Muhayeyesu explains.

When they realised that she had a problem, she was moved to the front of the class to get closer to the teacher but the hearing challenges persisted.

"I could just take notes and just try to cram them but it was just too difficult for me. I persisted until senior two,” she says, explaining how she ended up dropping out of school, after her grandparents, who were taking care of her, passed on.

Life was never easy for Muhayeyesu, after her grandparents passed on. She embarked on an effort to trace her father but until today there is little that gives her hope.

"All I knew was that he was a MINUAR soldier. I don’t know anything more than that. I don’t know whether he lived with my mother or anything,” she says, adding that efforts to trace anybody who could give her a lead has been difficult.

"I tried to look for him ever since I was a child but in vain,” she says, adding that she had tried with her grandmother when she was still alive, and later the lady who took her up, to trace the whereabouts of her father through Haguruka, a local NGO that works to defend and promote the rights of women and children.

"When my grandparents died, there was a lady in Kanombe, who was taking care of my step brother and she took me up too, and we tried to follow up but it also involved a lot of money, moving up and down,” she notes.

It was that woman who had the sole photo of the said UN peacekeeper, which had been passed on to her from Muhayeyesu’s grandmother, along with other documents.

Unfortunately, her new guardian passed away while she was at school. When she returned, she could not trace any of the documents or the photo and that is how she gave up on the search.

All this time, life had not treated Muhayeyesu well, not only struggling to make ends meet, but also becoming a victim of mistreatment and dejection everywhere she lived. Her hearing problems compounded her situation further.

Being a girl of mixed race, Muhayeyesu grappled with many of the challenges children of her kind have to deal with, including being judged based on colour and also lack of parental care, all of which negatively impacted her life.

Research shows that children who lack parental care, particularly a father figure in their lives, can be prone to mental health challenges such as; depression, experience poor educational outcomes, suffer from behavioural problems, and addictions or early sexual activity.

When she gave birth out of wedlock, even some of her relatives who were supporting her abandoned her, accusing her of being reckless, but no one happened to address the issues she is going through and they are the only people she had.

She never experienced any love or care apart from her maternal grandparents before they died.

"It was only my grandpa and grandma who took care of me. I can’t say the same about the rest,” she says, adding that some of her aunts disowned her.

"When I gave birth, they started treating me badly. They started accusing me of ‘going into men’ but I often told them what happened to me can happen to anyone else. It is not unique to me,” Muhayeyesu says.

A tough childhood

Nothing seemed straight for Muhayeyesu. When she turned 16, nobody could help her get the national identity card because there was no one to support her through the process, which also reflects the manner in which she was born.

It took so long for her to be registered in the national database, which also explains why her national ID shows that she is 27, yet in reality she is at least 30, but she didn’t have any birth record documents with her.

Today, Muhayeyesu works in a restaurant to feed her four-year-old child but a lot runs in her mind because she is literally alone. She works from 7am to 11pm or midnight on some days.

It is not an easy job but it helps her to feed her child and pay rent. Muhayeyesu says she studied a course in hotel service and catering but her challenge is languages due to that unstable education background.

She also tried to acquire hairdressing skills to try and set up her own salon but she could not sustain it due to the costs involved, including transport and the capital needed to set up her own salon business.

As fate would have it, there was a time she had established a small income generating business but recently on her way home, thugs waylaid her and stole the money she had, a mobile phone and other belongings, setting her back completely.

‘Muzungu’ must be rich

For Muhayeyesu, the biggest challenge she faces are misconceptions based on her appearance, with many expecting her to be doing ‘financially well’, where even those who would help are not helping

Others think she was born in an affluent family due to her skin complexion but deep down it is only her who knows what she is going through in reality.

Regardless of all the struggles, Muhayeyesu is hopeful that she can work her way out of the situation, but if she had a way, she would set up her own income generating project, not only to sustain her and her child, but also others who have gone through the same predicament.

"I would love to do something that can earn me a living – a small business like a restaurant or salon, but I would also make sure I support those in need, homeless or street children and vulnerable households,” she says.

Muhayeyesu does not blame anybody for the challenges she has gone through, pointing out that the most important thing is to not let all those issues, present and past, hold her down, but all she needs is a helping hand.

Hopes of tracing the whereabouts or origins of her father, identified as ‘Christophe David’, have completely dwindled. Initial reports indicated that he could have been Canadian, Belgian or French, but that is the little she knows.

Not knowing exactly who he was, whether he is still alive or not, is what keeps her awake at night but with little hope of a trace, life must go on, regardless of how difficult it is.

Case not unique to her

While some may find Muhayeyesu’s claims unsubstantiated, the odd situation is not unique to her. Several reports show that UN Peacekeeping forces have been responsible for fathering children in different countries where they are deployed, such as Democratic Republic of Congo, Haiti, Sudan and many others.

There is no clear information in regard to how many children UNAMIR soldiers could have left behind, also considering how difficult it was at the time to keep records but some sources suggest that there could have been more children left behind by the UN forces.

Beatrice Murekatete, 62, who has been a resident of Migina area, in Remera sector, Gasabo district, since 1980, says that UNAMIR soldiers, who were mostly camped at Amahoro Stadium, were known to interact with locals, including women and girls.

"They would come around and meet people during the patrols. At the time, there were several mixed-race children born and others who were fathered by members of African contingents,” recalls Murekatete.

Most of the children born by peacekeepers will go undocumented, mainly because the sexual intercourse was ‘transactional’ and it goes against UN Peacekeeping Principles. In most cases, when contingent members are found to have misbehaved in the communities, they are deported back to their countries.

In most cases, victims of sexual exploitation and abuse by UN peacekeepers face severe physical and psychological consequences, as shown in a January 2022 report titled "UNsupported: The Needs and Rights of Children Fathered by UN Peacekeepers in DRC”.

The report is based on research done by Kirstin Wagner, Susan A. Bartels, Sanne Weber and Sabine Lee, who found that in most cases where sexual interactions between citizens and peacekeepers leads to pregnancy and childbirth, in most cases peacekeepers will typically absolve themselves of their paternal responsibilities and paternity suits are largely unsuccessful.

The lack of support for peacekeeper-fathered children tarnishes the image of the UN who fails to implement a victim-centred approach to sexual abuse by peacekeepers.

The study analyses shortcomings in the provision of support of children fathered by members of the UN Peacekeeping force in DRC, known as MONUSCO, and evaluates the UN’s accountability system from the perspectives of families of peacekeeper-fathered children, based on in-depth interviews with 35 families and sixty mothers.

The findings demonstrate local barriers to child support and paternity claims, which leave behind children who like Muhayeyesu, don’t have an identity.

A similar study was done in Haiti, interviewing 2,500 people, including 265 peacekeeper-fathered children left behind by members of the UN Stabilisation Mission in Haiti (MINUSTAH).

The findings in both reports cast light on the limited access to justice and support to peacekeeper-fathered children and their mothers, who are in most cases victims of sexual exploitation due to poverty.