Rotting days are essential for me. I need at least one day each week to "rot” in bed and recharge. It is crucial for my sanity and keeps me grounded. Typically, on these days, I stay in bed reading, catching up on podcasts, or listening to music—sometimes all three at once.

This past Saturday, I was listening to an episode of The Bold Way podcast featuring Violette Serrat. I have been a fan of Violette (known as Violette_fr on social media) for over a decade. Watching her grow as an artist, a mother, and a businesswoman has been truly inspiring.

Originally from France, Violette now splits her time between New York and Paris. She has worked for Dior Beauty and is currently the Artistic Director of Guérlain Makeup. She also launched her own beauty and makeup brand, Violette_Fr, a few years ago.

During the episode, the host, Adrien, asked her about her brand’s identity. Violette explained that as a French woman living in the U.S., she wanted her brand to blend French and American cultures.

"I love New York and draw so much inspiration here,” she said, "but Americans can be quite performative. That’s one thing I don’t love about American culture. My French side keeps me grounded and authentic.”

Though I recognize the privilege in this perspective, it reminded me of a recent conversation with friends about the performative nature of many Rwandans, particularly Kigalians.

One friend, who returned to Kigali after spending twelve years abroad, experienced a culture shock when she began working at a local institution (which I won’t name).

She was frustrated by her colleagues’ tendency to only stay on top of their responsibilities when management was actively following up. It was as if they had become so accustomed to being micromanaged that they procrastinated and delayed simple tasks when left on their own.

Disappointing, right?

As another friend put it one random Tuesday over lunch, "Kigalians are like a blank canvas. We don’t know what’s cool and what’s not. We wait for someone to tell us how to behave, invest, decorate our homes, speak; and so on. Soon everyone will be wearing cargo pants.” We all laughed because we knew what she meant as it was right after the Presidential campaigns.

Of course, this is a simplified view of our behavior. And I’m not suggesting that every Kigalian is like this either.

Such collective behaviors and tendencies are shaped over many years, as a result of various interactions and historical events. This essay’s purpose is not to get to the root cause of this but rather to point out the issue, raise some self-awareness; and start this much-needed conversation.

This is just one example. I’m sure you’ve noticed it too. When you start paying attention, it’s everywhere: in how we dress, socialize, our mannerisms, and even the places we frequent. This might even be the root of the pretense you sense in mundane daily interactions.

I would even go as far as to say that it leads to other negative habits like backstabbing, people-pleasing, and gossiping—with the intent to ruin reputations—rampant in workplaces. But this is a conversation for another day.

I bring this up because I believe this cringe-worthy culture negatively impacts us in many ways, starting with impeding our creativity.

Granted, this may seem insignificant compared to the other issues we face as a country. Nevertheless, it is frustrating (and embarrassing). Thankfully, it’s also very easy to fix. How? By being intentional, resisting the urge to follow trends blindly, and embracing our sense of self.

I am not saying we should not be inspired by others—whether friends, family, or people we admire. But our sense of identity, individualism, and responsibility should come first. When we lead with our values, we can be more discerning about what truly inspires us and align with cultures, people, and brands that resonate with our authentic selves.

Once we start doing this, our personal identities will develop, businesses will thrive, and government institutions will improve because people will perform their duties out of intrinsic motivation, not just for external validation.

So, how often have you noticed this performative behavior among your friends, family, or colleagues? Doesn’t it give you an "ick”? It certainly does for me, every single time. And I pray it stops.

The writer is a socio-political commentator