Comical bumper stickers

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.

Procrastinators unite! Tomorrow. Dyslexics Untie!

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

My reality check bounced. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

The speeder

A traffic cop on patrol one night, watching a 35mph zone on the edge of town, suddenly saw a car come blazing by his hideout.

Quickly grabbing at his radar gun, he clocked the fast moving vehicle at 87mph!

The officer took off after the speeder and soon had the car pulled over on the side of the road. Expecting trouble with such a reckless driver, the patrolman approached cautiously.

To his surprise the driver of the offending vehicle was a little old lady, barely tall enough to see over the steering wheel.

"Ma’am,” the officer began. "Do you know how fast you were going?”

"I was just getting her up around 90, I believe, officer,” the old lady answered calmly, peering up at him through her bifocals.

"Why, what seems to be the problem?”

Shocked, the officer returned her comment, "What seems to be the problem? Why, this is a 35mph zone! That’s the problem.

Didn’t you see the sign?”

"Oh sure,” the old lady returned, "That’s why I’m driving so fast. I’m just trying to follow it’s instruction.”

Dumbfounded, the officer was momentarily speechless.
"Just what sign are you talking about, Ma’am?” he asked, when he finally recovered.

Smiling up at the officer, the old lady placed a gentle hand on his wrist and said, "Why, the one that said ‘Speed Zone Ahead’, of course!”

Compiled by Grace Mugoya