Feminism, as a concept, is powerful and necessary. It advocates for women to have the same rights and opportunities as men. It’s a principle that any reasonable person would support. As Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s famous book says, "We should all be feminists.” However, the message of feminism is sometimes misinterpreted. Some view it as a movement aimed at fighting or exacting revenge on men, rather than striving for equality.

We must remember that our beliefs and behaviours are often products of our past and culture. Yet, we should not be prisoners of these influences. Historically, boys were discouraged from engaging in activities deemed "feminine”, such as cooking or cleaning, under the notion that such tasks would make them less of a man.

This rigid view of gender roles has caused harm to both men and women. Instead of perpetuating these outdated norms, we should raise our children to understand that they are equal in all respects. Boys and girls alike should be encouraged to develop a broad range of skills, from cooking and cleaning to driving and leading, without the constraints of traditional gender roles.

The 30% quota: A step forward, but not far enough

Women’s empowerment has undeniably had a positive impact on Rwandan society. The 30% quota for women in various sectors and institutions has been instrumental in increasing female representation and encouraging women to pursue leadership roles. However, while this policy is a step in the right direction, it also has its limitations.

I believe women are capable and our banking sector is one of its signs. The quota system can sometimes be interpreted as if women hold positions of power not because of their capabilities, but because of their gender. This perception can undermine the achievements of women and perpetuate the idea that they are less competent than their male counterparts. Instead of allocating a fixed percentage of positions to women, I believe that opportunities should be equal for everyone, with positions filled based on merit.

A more equitable approach would be to ensure that men and women have equal chances to compete for roles and are selected based on their qualifications and abilities, not gender. Additionally, work environments should be adapted to meet the unique needs of both men and women, such as offering flexible working arrangements for mothers of young children, or providing menstrual products and menstrual leave for women.

Rethinking the tradition of dowry

"Urankubita se warankoye?” (You beat me as if you gave a dowry to my family). These words have stayed with me since childhood. Bella, not her real name, was a mother of four who endured daily beatings from her husband. Her family was known in our neighbourhood for constant fighting, and I was just a child, probably in the third year of my primary, when I overheard her saying that.

Bella’s question suggested that, to some extent, she believed that her husband’s violence would be justified if he had given the dowry to her family. The tradition of dowry, where a husband’s family gifts cows to the wife’s family, has deep cultural roots. However, as we strive for gender equality, it is important to critically examine practices like these. The dowry seems like women are property, purchased by their husbands. This outdated notion contradicts the principles of equality and respect that should form the foundation of any marriage.

Rather than continuing the dowry tradition, we should consider alternatives that reflect a more balanced view of marriage. For instance, after marriage, the couple could jointly decide how to show appreciation to both of their families, without the transaction, like the nature of a dowry. This would promote the idea of marriage as a partnership of equals, rather than a transfer of ownership.

When good intentions go wrong

In 2008, when I finished primary school, and in 2011, when I finished ordinary level, girls were promoted with lower marks than boys, a policy aimed at increasing the number of girls in schools — "gender equity”. While the intention was good, the execution was flawed. This policy could have been interpreted as if girls were less capable than boys and needed special treatment to be promoted.

Rather than lowering standards for girls, we should have focused on providing opportunities like paying or reducing their school fees and giving them school materials. By doing so, we would have helped both boys and girls reach their full potential and create a more equitable education system.

The comprehensive sexuality education

As children grow up, they receive advice from parents, teachers, and others on how to navigate the challenges of life. However, when it comes to sexual education, there is often a significant gap. Girls are frequently taught to protect themselves from the advances of boys and men, but they are rarely educated about their own bodies and sexual desires. This lack of knowledge can lead to confusion and vulnerability.

It is essential to provide both boys and girls with comprehensive sexual education that acknowledges their feelings and teaches them how to manage their desires healthily and responsibly. By doing so, we can help them make informed decisions and avoid situations that could lead to harm.

Parental contradictions

A troubling issue in the fight for gender equality lies in the double standards exhibited by some parents, particularly fathers. On one hand, they may be overly protective of their daughters, while on the other, they engage in or condone behaviours that exploit young girls. This contradiction, coupled with practices like giving girls more pocket money and shielding them while expecting boys to be tough and self-reliant, reinforces harmful gender stereotypes.

Work in progress

The journey towards gender equality is ongoing, and while significant progress has been made, there is still much work to be done. By challenging outdated practices like the dowry system, promoting true equality, and providing comprehensive sexual education, we can create a society where both men and women are valued equally. Bella’s words, spoken in pain and desperation, remind us of the importance of this work. We must continue to challenge harmful beliefs and practices, and strive for a future where everyone can live free from violence and discrimination.

Bertin K. Ganza is a poet, life coach, and ghostwriter.