Have you ever fallen in love and trusted fully, but before long, you’re let down by the person you loved and cherished with your whole heart? Well, you’re not alone, poet and author, Divine Akimana has walked that path. She has experienced true love but also disappointed by those she confided in and called her own, that at some point she doubted love. 

As a writer, she hasn’t been blissful when it comes to explaining love. From 2011 to 2019, she was only writing about heartbreaks, and pain until one of her readers suggested the need to read her poetry about love. 

Akimana wasn’t comfortable writing about the love topic because she didn’t want to express her lost feelings to the world but then, how was she to help other people who were walking in the same shoes as hers? She therefore gave a shot at divulging about love through a poetry collection dubbed, "My Vows to Love.”

She has jotted down her thoughts and views on love. The book portrays her experiences and all the kinds of love she has stumbled on, for instance, romance, parental love, friendships, not to forget heartbreaks, loss and disappointments. 

The author emotionally expresses how she was first heartbroken by her own father who she claims was her first love and best friend. When he divorced her mother and walked away from home when the writer was only 11years old, it was devastating growing up without a father yet he was and still is alive.

Akimana stresses that all she yearned for was to open up to him and him, making her feel safe and assure her that all will be well, but letting her down at the time she needed him most was harsh, selfish and unforgettable. 

She took out the anger, rage and disappointment on other men. 

"I stayed away from love. Even when I dated, I tried my best not to fall in love. When feelings developed along the way, I called it quits. I didn’t think a stranger would truly and deeply love me since my father had let me down—he had breached my trust. This has affected me that I haven’t had any stable relationship, yet I am almost clocking 30 years of age,” she says.

The writer found solace in long distance relationships as she believed she would only be hurt when chose to, since she would decide to talk or not talk to the person considering her mood, but also she was miles away and didn’t think such a relationship would end in tears. Perhaps, she wasn’t dating for commitment. It was more of being in the moment, having fun without the pressure of meeting or planning for the future. 

Unfortunately, regardless of the efforts to seem strong and yet not express her feelings fully, she has come to believe that you can’t escape love. Because regardless of the hesitation, love comes unexpectedly and who wants to resist the feeling of being loved and cared for?

Though she has hardened her heart and focused on raising her son single-handedly, by giving him all the love he deserves, she has found some men attractive, had crushes though didn’t disclose her feelings to them. 

After giving birth to her son, Akimana had misunderstandings with the father of her child that both went separate ways, she swore never to give a chance to love anymore. However, she has come to a realisation that it’s not only romantic love that can break and cause pain, but also friendships and family can result in loss of trust as she has complicated relationships with some family members and friends as well. 

Although she had it bumpy with her relationship with her father, she notes that she forgave him, but at the same time hates him yet misses him because there are times she really needs a father to talk to but in vain. 

"As far as I know, I have forgiven him, but I get angry in his absence. I realised that getting angry with him just hurts me more. When it comes to feelings, you can’t dictate them—they just appear. Whenever I talk about him, I just get angry at him. The bad thing about being a poet is that you keep remembering the feelings you thought you buried in poems because you keep reading them,” the author says.  

When asked if she would want to find love and believe it again, Akimana responds that she doesn’t want to just jump in any relationship just for the sake. Though when someone approaches her with the intentions of dating, she gets scared about what the future holds. She imagines what if she falls so deep for the person and it doesn’t work out? She doesn’t expect someone to love her unconditionally. But then asks herself how she will ever get married without giving love a chance.

Her book also entails the love of friendships, which the author adores most and finds natural, with freedom as you’re not bound to sacrifice, and you give when you have to. 

The writer also relishes parental love, ‘This is the only kind of love that I would kill for. I can do anything for my child that I can’t do for anyone else.’

For God’s love. She finds this relationship a little complicated as she blames Him when life gets tough but notices that He still remains God regardless and He is constant in all situations, the good and the bad. She refers to Him as her best friend because she develops some kind of calmness and comfort when she talks to Him—she develops the assurance that everything will be okay. 

Akimana is currently writing a novel on healing. Her books can be found on Amazon, or at African Talent Initiative.