Although we may consider ourselves free by doing what we feel like and making our own choices, the truth is that people we surround ourselves with called "society”, have a hand in determining how we live our daily lives. 

Society is defined as a large number of individuals, groups and organizations that live in the same general area, share the same interest and consider themselves connected to one another through the sharing of a culture that includes learning behaviour, beliefs and values.  

We learn at a young age through guidance and as we grow, the society shapes our objective observable behaviour however, it is crucial to be skeptical about society’s life moral and think of what is right

Individuals in a society have specific beliefs, but they also share collective values. Many other cultures are collectivist, meaning the welfare of the group and group relationships are a primary value. 

It is right and common knowledge that many cultures have different customs and rituals that determine, but there are other constructed beliefs in a society that are not necessary, among a few, these included;

You need to have a baby as soon as you get married

Especially in Rwanda, as soon as you get married and some people hear you complaining of stomach ache, they definitely think you are pregnant. If not, they always ask if nothing has happened yet. Some couples prefer to first have their own life without the interaction of children, enjoy their comfort and then go on a plan for children. On a sad note, some individuals are not even able to have babies due to their health condition. I think we should let people be.

Whose name should appear on the invitation card?

In Rwanda, the name of the father of a groom or bride is the one to appear on a wedding invitation card, without the mother’s name appearing anywhere and for some people when the father of a marrying individual has passed away, the family looks for some other person to appear on the cards as if the mother is not there.  I think that should be a choice

Expectation of age

There are lots of people who judge others based on their age but the truth is that these people think that there is a rigid milestone that everyone needs to meet at a certain age, but the length you have spent on earth does not determine anything in your life. For instance you find some individuals feeling offended that they are not yet married at the age of 25.  There are no rules where you should be or what you should have accomplished in life. Your age shouldn’t determine how valid your life is; however, if you feel not satisfied or pure, you should bite off more than you can chew to know what is not going well. 

 Alsu Kashapov, renowned therapist said, our mind and subconscious of most of our meanings are doctored from our parents, childhood, society and culture.

"Try to describe the definition of success, what does that mean for you? Think of one meaning you gave to success, how much is the meaning you gave to success and how much is it coming from society’s expectation. The same when it comes to health, education and wellness, productivity, self-care and self-love. Reflect on these terms and understand how much is yours and how much you picked from someone or society”

According to Kashapova, the fact is that, when you start uncovering how much you have been influenced by your background or society you will start to understand the layers of these meanings that you didn’t even create for yourself and go on uncovering the truth, identify your feelings, do something constructive with good thoughts and repeat the new truth back to yourself. 

She said that there is no absolute truth. If you look at this scheme of truth, you can realise how you might have belief from one perspective but someone else or another culture will completely have a different perspective. 

"It is not about right belief or wrong, the most important thing is what belief is right for you and a people need to analyse different perspectives for you to have options and then you can choose what serves you best and work on areas of life where you feel stuck” she said 

Experts also say that there is a limited time on this earth and you should not live a watered-down version of yourself just to please the society. Cultivate your inner voice and begin saying what you want. Be affirmative, not defensive, but get in the habit of expressing your opinions, wants and needs.  

"If you have a chance to make your own choice, do not live an illusion based on someone else’s beliefs.”