"I am not my best self right now. Everything is a chore. I am just getting by. Where has my inspiration gone?”

This was the very frank self-assessment of a highly successful managing director at a large US investment firm when we started working together earlier this year. I will call her Julia.

The extreme stress of a highly demanding job, an even more demanding boss and gravely sick parents 1,000 kilometres away made a senior manager at a global business services firm in Southern India fall seriously ill herself to the point where she could not work. I will call her Amanda.

And another senior executive at a multinational bank told me on our first coaching call: "I am in a rut. I am lost. I don’t know where I am going. It’s really affecting everything in my life.” I will call her Debra.

Debra asked me to help her: "to regain purpose/a better understanding of what my purpose and direction can be; to reinvigorate my spirit by re-focusing my energy and determination; (and) to ultimately bring back balance in my life.”

I have worked with all three leaders over the last six months or so and thankfully they are all doing much better now. "The dark clouds have lifted. I have my mojo back. My swag is back. I am in control again,” said Debra, who is currently forcefully negotiating for a much better job at another institution. "I feel like myself once more,” added Julia.

What made the difference for them?

I would love to take credit for my brilliant coaching but in all three cases, it was the leaders themselves who did all the hard work and should take all the credit for their rejuvenation.

For Julia, it was a case of "unbecoming” her unhealthy old self and "becoming” a more vibrant new person, who fully embraced the grief of recently losing her beloved father, came out of isolation to interact with other people more, realized that she can’t always exceed expectations – especially if they are unrealistic – and stopped letting others have undue power over her.

"I have now established a sustainable model for leadership performance that I can dial up and dial down as needed,” she said. Sometimes, she and her team will all put "the pedal to the metal” and work flat out for long hours to meet an important deadline. Sometimes, she will delegate responsibilities to her team members while she takes much needed time off with her family.

"We went on a series of family day trips in late September,” Julia said. "This was in honor of my (deceased) father. My best memories of him were on these kinds of trips.”

For Amanda, it was a question of reprioritizing her work and life outside and standing up to her overbearing boss. She firmly requested and was given a different job in a different department at the same seniority and salary that would allow her to work remotely from her parents’ home in Central India.

She did feel some remorse and guilt about "abandoning” her former team members down South but she was making every effort to empower certain managers and supervisors in the old team to take more responsibility and risks, stand up for what they believe in and be more accountable.

For Debra, it was about looking after herself better and focusing on her wellness in all respects: eating healthier, exercising more regularly, working more reasonable hours and even taking time off to visit family in other cities. "And I just learned to let go of things,” she said, referring to the self-imposed pressure to do everything herself – no matter how long it took - because no else could do it or do it as well as her.

While all three leaders were clearly stuck in their work and lives outside not that long ago, they have each found individual pathways to reappraise who they are and what they are doing; refocus and rebalance their professional and personal lives; and take bold, sustainable action for the benefit of themselves and those around them.

Their successful journeys back to self-confidence and vitality hark back to the sage advice of the African-American playwright, August Wilson, who called on us all to: "Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”

The third and last column in this series on Executive Presence will focus on how these and other leaders can use their newly re-discovered energy and focus to be a more powerful and effective force for their teams, their organizations, their families and their communities.

The views expressed in this column are entirely those of the writer.