When a person you know cuts off all contact with you, without letting you know about it and doesn’t give you any warning or explanation whatsoever, its termed as ‘ghosting.’
They ignore your calls; don’t respond to texts, while some even go as far as blocking you on social media.
In a relationship, when things don’t work out, the unhappy party tables their concern and decides to end the relationship. Without disclosure, which normally happens with ghosting, the ghosted person is left in suspense, causing even more harm and heartache.
Edna Mulisa, a university student, says ghosting has turned out to be very common, especially with the modern dating scene.
She thinks this behaviour is as a result of people not taking relationships or even each other seriously.
"What’s worse is that this is harmful to both people involved. The dumped person is left hanging, not knowing what exactly happened. Yet the person doing the ghosting also has underlying issues that caused them to behave that way in the first place, doing this makes their situation worse,” she says.
Ghosting is a form of spite that develops feelings of rejection and neglect. Relationship experts elucidate that people who run away from relationships tend to fear commitments and confrontations too.
In a bid to avoid awkward conversations, or if one sees it best to end a relationship in a less dramatic way, they can choose to just disappear from a relationship.
But Ali Mujahid, a project manager, calls this cowardice. He thinks if two grown up people chose to come together and build a relationship, there should be respect and communication when things aren’t going so great in the relationship.
"Unless if one has intentions of purposely hurting their partner, otherwise ghosting is immature and insensitive that it leaves the other person completely confused and puzzled as to what went wrong,” he says. Lack of closure can lead to self-doubt and anxiety.
The mind is a meaning-making machine, and people will typically fill in the gaps with their own-often self-critical story, an article written by Melissa A. Fabello states.
Whether it’s a friend, partner, or casual hook-up, connecting with someone, even briefly, comes with responsibility: Unless you feel unsafe, you are accountable to communicate your intentions, expectations, and-yes-disinterest to others, she notes.
Ghosting hurts people, Fabello writes. When you ghost, the script is halted and unfinished for your former romantic interest. They’re left to their own devices to try to understand what went wrong-and why they weren’t even worth a simple breakup text. What is conflict avoidance for you is actually conflict perpetuation for someone else!
She adds: The only person who benefits from ghosting is the ghoster. And if you’re a ghoster, especially if you ghost regularly, it might be because you’re dodging the hard work of difficult feelings and conversations. And that’s important to take a closer look at.
"What am I avoiding?” can be a helpful introspective question. Reflect on what you’re afraid of; be curious of what comes up, and to be intentional in unpacking it. Ghosting doesn’t have to be our new normal. We can teach ourselves a new script for breakups that while more vulnerable, is more responsible.”