Relationships can be hard, but they can also be great, and, for the most part, people have expectations when getting into relationships regarding how it will go. They expect kindness, affection, loyalty and respect. They don’t imagine there will be emotional or physical abuse is. But things do not always work out the way we want them to. 

What to expect

Many will agree that poor communication has led to the collapse of many relationships. How do you expect me to know that you are not okay with it if you do not tell me? Does this sound familiar? Often, couples rarely talk about the things that bother them, they instead resort to silent treatment, but eventually, everything that has been bottled up just spills out, sometimes in dangerous ways.

"It is important to express your expectations directly, you can’t expect your partner to know what you are thinking without telling them,” says Dr Cindi Cassady, a clinical psychologist. She warns against expecting people to guess how you feel, because with effective communication, no one is wrong or right, it is about understanding each other genuinely. 

Sometimes it’s hard to know for sure what you can reasonably expect from your partner, but the least you can do is make your expectations clear. 

"I think my past relationships haven’t been successful because of poor communication. It can really be hard being honest, leaving your comfort zone, or having an uncomfortable conversation. But a communication balance that you’re both comfortable with is super important,” says Linah Ingabire, a university student. 

To be realistic, you need to establish the basics—the things you can ask, with confidence, from every relationship. It could be anything from how much time you spend together to who pays bills when out. 

For Geoffrey Kabagambe, loyalty is his biggest expectation. "Loyalty is about honesty, trust, and commitment. It means sticking with your partner through good times and bad, even when it isn’t easy.” He adds that loyalty is a two-way street. If it’s only from one party and not both, you are welcoming endless pain.  

In some cases, people enter new relationships albeit with ties to the old. Diana Ingabire says that regardless of what her partner has experienced in the past, like a cheating ex, in a healthy relationship, your partner will trust you completely, support and respect you, and the communication will naturally strengthen the relationship.

And when it comes to support, James Abrahams, a law student, believes that it is not just telling someone positive things, but also finding positive ways to tell them negative truths. 

In her article, 8 Things You Have the Right to Expect From Your Relationship published by Psychology Today, Tina Gilbertson says, "Having the right to expect these things doesn’t mean you’ll always get them. It means that it’s okay for you to ask for them, and that it’s okay for it to matter to you if they’re not available from your partner.”