It’s baffling how, regardless of the many ways the dating scene has evolved, some people still hold the belief that a woman initiating a relationship or showing any sign of interest in a man is pure desperation.
Myths and beliefs, combined with human nature, trigger this notion and in most cases, men are left to pursue a relationship.
However, a relationship is a two-way street and this means, women and men should have equal responsibility when it comes to pursuing and creating a healthy one.
Kelly Teta, a university student, says that it is okay for a girl to propose a relationship first, even though this takes courage. "When a stable, smart and independent woman knows what she wants, she should propose a relationship to the man of her choice. She might have noticed some good qualities and felt love for him which shouldn’t be an issue. Just as a man can propose, a woman can, we should all have the same rights and input in a relationship,’’ she says.
According to Justin Karenzi, a father of three, men will have issues with this due to culture that reinforces the idea of men making the first move.
"I have never been in that situation before, but if a girl proposes to me, I will definitely take it as being rude or disrespectful. As Rwandans, our culture made it clear that a man proposes a relationship and a girl has the right to accept or deny the proposal,’’ he says.
Liliane Kabatesi, a mother of two and resident of Gasabo District, notes that not all men reject a woman’s proposal as many say, instead, women are the ones who shy away from this yet it really works.
"Girls usually wait for boys to propose and that’s very beautiful, but in some cases there is no hope for him to understand your situation. So, girls should be bold enough as I did with my husband. We are now a happily married couple with two children,” she says.
Seraphine Umutoni is of the view that it is a man’s responsibility to propose a relationship first, not a woman’s.
Though she isn’t entirely against the idea of women pursuing men, she believes that the majority of them don’t value the relationship when it was the woman who pursued them.
"Let men propose first, it is Rwandan culture that girls should be proposed to. Some girls might have the courage to do so, but sometimes men take it as being disrespectful to them,” she says.
However, Adam Komezusenge says that what matters is honesty in a relationship, and this has nothing to do with who proposed first.
Let the one who falls first be the one to propose. Men also need to be taken care of and deserve girls who make them feel special too, he says. "I have never been in this situation but if I am lucky enough to be proposed to, I will respect a woman’s feelings and will definitely appreciate her efforts,” he adds.
This is not the case with Jean Paul Uwamungu, a resident of Rubavu District, who says that it is not okay for a girl to propose a relationship as culture doesn’t allow that.
He points out that a girl should of course have some input, like gestures and reactions, but not pour her heart out because it doesn’t add value.
"I have noticed that men don’t take relationships seriously when a girl proposes first. A man can initially accept the proposal out of excitement, but later on look for someone else,” 52-year-old Uwamungu highlights.