The search for true love is real. Being single can only be fun for so long before you realise you need a companion to grow old with.
Relationship standards are a reflection of what you are really setting up for yourself, and what you think you are worthy of when looking for love. But how do you find love without lowering your standards?
In her book, "Everything You Need to Know if You Want Love That Lasts”, Sabrina Alexis says that she spent far too long wondering why her relationships always fell apart and couldn’t get anything to last. She says that she was choosing the wrong men, men who wouldn’t or couldn’t give her what she wanted. But she finally wised up and started dating with a purpose, dating with the aim of finding something for the long run instead of dating just for the sake of it, and she picked up a new mantra, ‘I want a partner, not a project.’
"Love won’t make all your pain and problems go away. It won’t erase the memory of all your old hurts and wounds, it won’t give you a healthy sense of self-esteem, and it won’t open the gates of everlasting happiness and bliss. Love can enhance your life in many ways (healthy love, that is), but it will never be perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect partner or a perfect relationship,” she writes.
She adds that it’s also about timing. For instance, it has to be the right time for both people, fundamental compatibility, similar goals, and emotional maturity. Love can be a beautiful, transformative thing, but not in a vacuum. A lot of other elements need to align, and you need to accept and embrace the fact that it will take a bit of work.
Elize Teta says hard as it is to find, true love exists. She found love but not on a silver platter.
She says, from day one, she knew that a man that would tick some of the boxes was worth giving a chance. Keeping in mind that her standards were realistic, she wasn’t looking for a man that had it all because she knew she wasn’t perfect either.
But she wanted a friend and someone to plan the future with. Teta explains that she had made many poor choices in the past and wasn’t scared to wait on the man that was to level up to her standards, hence, eventually attracting the right man in her life.
"I let go of men that were not treating me accordingly. I also noticed that I let the people I dated in the past treat me the way they did because of my character. I was ready to raise the bar but also to work on myself,” she says.
Teta also says that when your standards are high, you are not taken up by small things.
"Does this person respect you? Do you have similar values? Is he genuinely interested in you? Is he pursuing you? And do you feel safe with him?”
Knowing what you want makes the process of choosing the right one easier. She warns to not ignore the red flags as they tell you of coming danger.
"Think about things you are unwilling to compromise on, religion and so forth. Work on self-love because you can’t expect someone to love you 100 per cent yet you only love yourself 50 per cent or less. Don’t date a man that disrespects other women because he will disrespect you too,” she says.