When stereotypically female traits that are endorsed by culture take forms that damage society and ultimately women themselves, it is termed as toxic femininity.

There is admittedly a lot of discussion around toxic masculinity, with a limited focus on the toxic side of femininity; yet it is also just as damaging. 

In as much as we are trying to address toxic masculinity, sometimes our toxicity gets in the way, according to banker Crème Kantengwa. 

Toxic masculinity is a term often used to describe the negative aspects of exaggerated masculine traits. These are said to be cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and men themselves.

Kantengwa notes that women can be aggressors too, particularly against their fellow females.

"We mostly talk about toxic masculinity compared to the feminine one, but they are both harmful. With toxic femininity, women use their feminine traits, deemed to them by culture to hurt others. Traits like misusing our gentleness to make people work for us, or expecting to be cared for by the men in our lives and refusing to do the same, are some examples to cite,” she says. 

Another example is; women are expected to gossip but then it tears down other women, and this is toxic, she adds.

Author Katherine Maslowski describes toxic femininity essentially as a way for women to sabotage others by using their traditionally feminine qualities. 

It is where a woman’s response to a long-standing threat of failure, underappreciation, or a need to prove herself over her male peers reacts by resenting the women around her who are fighting the same battles. This can take many forms such as gossip and social exclusion of the women around. Because toxic femininity isn’t simple and straightforward, it is rather hard to explain and define it, she states.

Some of this toxic behaviour may include; talking over and belittling other women, passive aggression – think eye-rolling, patronising comments, fake laughing and niceties, smiley faces following a harsh-worded email, sabotage – lying for their own gain, giving misleading advice, mocking others for their work or decisions, trying to manipulate situations to make others look bad. Jealousy, resentment, and bitterness towards other women for their looks, popularity, and professional performance. Competing with other female colleagues through their looks, dominance, work, or sexuality. 

The writer cites that there is need to bear in mind that toxic femininity comes from a place of long-term societal conditioning and deep insecurity. Society has, for as long as we can remember taught us to target other women usually in a personal or domestic setting, but as more women are in the workforce today than ever before, that targeting has also slipped into the workplace. This means that toxic femininity is likely to mould itself to a corporate setting as more women end up in decision-making positions.

Aline (not real name) believes that just like we are against toxic masculinity, toxic femininity should also be unlearned. 

It can get as bad as dragging fellow women down for having different choices than you or even taking advantage of male peers. If a female leader has this bad behaviour, it can destroy her subordinates’ careers, create problems that were not there or even sabotage their mental health, she says.

She thinks that for this to be addressed, women need to stop trying to be "feminine” because the way society describes, it is very shallow and harmful to women, men, and society itself. 

"Another thing is to educate ourselves on things we should learn because they are useful and make us better people, and things we should unlearn because they are harmful to us or the people around us. One of those things is that the male, female, and non-gender conforming people should be treated equally with respect and without stereotyping. Additionally, toxic femininity hinders gender equality because how can women fight against toxic masculinity only to grow toxic femininity.”