Mental disorders or illnesses are conditions that affect one’s thinking, mood, feelings, and behaviour. Some of these conditions may occur and end at a given period of time, whereas others are chronic.

Mental health is a very serious yet often disregarded issue. In the article "Talking about mental illness with your child” published by Children of Parents with a Mental Illness (COPMI), the author says that it is common for parents to think it’s better to avoid talking to children about their mental illness, to protect them from stress and confusion. Yet research shows that when parents talk openly about their struggles, in a language their child can understand, it actually helps the child to cope better. 

For parents and caregivers

Lisa Cynthia Niwenahisemo, a clinical psychologist, says, "I think incorporating psychology lessons into school curricula is important, because it will help them understand the symptoms. They will learn how to communicate with their parents.

"But parents are not to be forgotten. There should be organisations and initiatives that help them understand mental health, even just the basics—like how to recognise mood and behavioural changes in themselves and their children, and how to communicate well in that case.”  

According to the psychologist, shows on radio like ‘Akagoroba k’ababyeyi’ (a platform where mothers come together to share ideas on social and economic issues and knowledge on fighting malnutrition) could be a great platform to sensitise parents more on this topic, so as not to look at mental health issues as ‘just being paranoid’ or ‘dramatic’.

Anabelle Usanase, a student pursuing law, says she feels like many parents aren’t helpful with this, but can’t blame them because they may have been raised unaware of these issues. 

"I feel depressed many times and I can’t talk to anyone because my friends don’t understand me and they think I am being dramatic, the same goes to my parents. I have never told them because they will never understand and so I keep everything inside and isolate myself for a while till I feel fine again,” she says. 

Jean de Dieu Uwiyubashye, a copywriter and content creator, says when something is not right with him, which doesn’t happen often, he talks to someone he believes will understand his point of view with no bias.

"I would really love to talk to a professional but in Rwanda, they are scarce and if found, might be quite expensive.

"Rwandans, like many other African cultures, tend to treat mental health like a joke, rather than a serious issue, so I believe the environment is not safe for mental health conversations. I hope the government and other parties can continue to create awareness on mental health,” Uwiyubashye says. 

Wivine Isimbi, a business information technology student, says, "My mother is the understanding parent, but with my father it is different. I can go to my mother for anything, and I genuinely believe that if a mother is more understanding, children feel freer to talk about their issues. I believe it is also important for fathers to open up so they too can help their children.”

"Mental health is a big deal and many people don’t value it because they don’t understand it enough. Mental health is the basis of a person’s real life when the brain is not functioning properly, nothing else can be achieved because the living brain is the one that guides a person in all aspects of life.

"Listening to a child helps them feel that the parent cares and values their feelings, thus making the child more comfortable with the parent. Listening to a child allows a counsellor to help them out of a situation, to feel like they are not alone, and give them the confidence to tackle the challenges head-on,” says Noelline Mukarugamba, a parent and assistant secretary. 

"Parents should be friendly to their children, it helps them feel more comfortable to come up to them with any issue because they feel they will be understood and not judged. 

"It is a big mistake not to pay attention and listen to your child, it is wrong to dismiss a child when they come to you with their problems. A parent should always show that they are there to help and listen, this shows the child that they have someone to turn to when they feel low,” she adds. 

Valens Shami, a parent and a clinical psychologist, says,” As a parent of two, although my children are still young, I am able to detect when something is wrong with them. Sometimes they are unable to speak, but they show me that something is wrong through crying, isolation and breaking things, that is when I know that something is not right and I make time so they can try to explain what is not going well with them.

"Listening to someone with an issue helps them feel free and safe to share. There are things that immediately show that someone has mental health issues, sometimes their behaviour changes, for example if they were always happy, they behave differently. 

"Some will be lost in deep thought and will act distant, some will even develop an angry personality. Feelings will change, some may cry suddenly with no explanation, some will be moody. So when a parent or someone else notices this, it is always better to approach the person and talk to them, show them that you are there for them. Some may not want to share what is going on, in that case, it is better to try and build trust,” Shami says. 

According to Niwenahisemo, some children supress their issues, it is important to not be quick to condemn or punish them, instead, open up and be friendly, let them know that are not crazy.

Parents can help children understand that these are real illnesses that can be treated. When parents talk with a child about mental illness, it helps if they are knowledgeable and reasonably comfortable with the subject.