What made things the way they used to be? What makes them how they are now? What will it be like in the future and what will cause the change? Different factors like experience, culture, belief, background and/or ideas are what may lead one to act in a certain way and not the other. Perhaps this is why the age-old question—who should pay the bill—still stands. Whether it is a first date or third date, this can be a very tricky issue to navigate. Weekender’s Jade Natacha Iriza spoke to a cross-section of people who shared the views on the subject.
Friends
"If I happen to meet a colleague at the doorway going for lunch and I need to take lunch as well, we might agree on going together but that doesn’t put the burden on any of us to pay for the other. I will pay according to my own budget and he will do the same,” shares Joselyne Uwimbabazi, who works in management.
Vincent Sibomana adds, "If she is a friend I need to catch up with and I call her out for coffee or something else then definitely I will pay. You don’t need to date a girl to be a gentleman.”
When asked what he means by ‘being a gentleman’ he responds, "A gentleman is a courteous man and covering the bill for a girl is basic courtesy.”
Many people are of the view that the person who asks for the date should pay unless both parties agree in advance to share expenses. Photos/Net
In the article, ‘Who Should Pay the Bill? First Dates and More’ published by Healthy Framework, it says, ‘If you are not familiar with the term ‘going Dutch’, that’s probably because you’ve never had to pay a restaurant bill in your life. ‘Going Dutch’ is simply when the dining parties either get separate checks for their meals or split the bill right down the middle. This is typically something that friends will do when going out to eat, but not a dating couple.’
Dating
When it comes to dating, ‘going Dutch’ may also be an option albeit not recommended in the long term.
"A man should be the one to pay the bill in case he goes on a date with a girl, since it is him who suggested it,” says Christian Mugemane. When asked why he thinks it is obvious that the man asks the woman out, he responds, "In Rwanda, it is the man who initiates a relationship. I am not saying that’s how it should be, but that’s how it is.”
Christine Uwayezu disagrees with this line of thought, saying, "People are the ones to decide what should be or not, so the fact that it is ‘popular opinion’ doesn’t make it the right one. Whoever invites the other person to go on a date with them, should be in the position to pay the bill and that can be the man or the woman.”
Married couples
Claudine Mbarushimana, a married woman and resident of Kicukiro, says, "There’s no such thing as who pays the bills at home. It’s our money and so we decide together when and where we go out and also how much we are going to spend.”
She adds, "One of us might propose the idea of going out, especially in case of a certain celebration, and so that person would be the one to pay but then that’s occasional.”
"I personally think that it depends on who earns money in the relationship. In my home, I’m the one who provides for the family and so if we need to go out for a certain occasion, I pay and I truly believe that’s just how it should be,” says Claude Mihigo, a married middle-aged man who stays in Kanombe.
When asked why he thinks that’s the way it should be, he says, "My wife doesn’t have to worry about finances in our relationship because that’s my job as a man, she, on the other hand, takes care of everything, especially our children. It is my responsibility to take care of her and take her out whenever it’s possible.”
Debatable
"I have heard feminists claim to want to pay a lot of times; so, it’s time we exchange the roles. Women should pay the bill when they go out on a date with a man,” says Jean Paul Mutwarasibo.
"I think it was normal for a man to pay the bill when he goes out with a woman but now with all the claims I hear from feminists, we can give it up and enjoy being taken care of as well,” Mutwarasibo explains.
Natacha Niwemwiza seems to disagree with Mutwarasibo, saying, "What feminists want is to be regarded like less of a burden to men. I personally think the bill should be split between the two people who went to take a meal or have a drink together.”
"I don’t understand why people make this a gender issue in the first place! Whoever has the means should pay the bill, simple. That’s why I think it is very important to specify who is paying before even the date is fixed. This would leave time for the one who has to pay to come prepared and the one who won’t to not be stressed when the bill comes,” says Delphine Uwera.