THE LAST TWO WEEKS have been a period of deep introspection and reflection here in Rwanda and across the world.

On the same evening as Rwanda began its annual period of Kwibuka or remembrance of the more than one million lives lost during the 100-day Genocide against the Tutsis here in 1994, Israel began its annual Remembrance Day for the Holocaust, which killed six million Jews and many others in the 1940s in Nazi Germany.

And the rest of the world has been mourning the loss of more than three million people to Covid and the lives of many innocent civilians to police brutality across the globe from Benin to Myanmar to the USA.

While I grew up in the aftermath of the Holocaust in England, my immediate family was thankfully spared its horrors, having escaped the pogroms in Eastern Europe around the end of the 19th Century.

It feels very different here in Rwanda where the memories of the Genocide are omnipresent, particularly at this time of year. One of my closest friends never got to know her father and three brothers. Another lost 68 members of his extended family.

How can any human being possibly rebuild their psyches, their souls and their lives after this?

Certainly not through anger, revenge or self-harm, however tempting they may seem to be. Many have found solace and direction in faith and religion. And many have explored other self-directed means to sustainable recovery.

Much has been written on the trauma healing process in general and here are what I have so far observed to be the five basic steps to recovery that Genocide survivors seem to have chosen to follow here in Rwanda:

1.  Remembrance – Honouring the past in their own way by holding it in their own hearts, minds and souls, however painful the memories are.

2. Acceptance – Acknowledging that they simply cannot change the events of the past … although they can choose how they view those events and then hopefully find a way to "give up all hope for a better past”, based on Dr. Gerald Jampolsky’s writings.

3.  Meaning - Finding inner peace and personal purpose for continuing with their lives now and in the future, often helping others in some way.

4.Reconciliation - Sincerely absolving those who have committed crimes directly or indirectly. One friend says: "to forgive those who did you wrong is the only way”. And recognizing that there are those who cannot or prefer not to do this and who choose to try to simply understand what happened.

5. Prevention - Making sure that everyone learns what really happened before and during the Genocide; that Genocide denial is not allowed to gain ground and credence; and that Genocide never happens again here or anywhere else. This has been done and continues to be done through active peace education and promotion in villages, schools and society in general here and around the world. (This is part of the inspiration for the ‘Globally Conscious Peacemakers’ online community that I co-founded last year with my colleague Nadine Binder in Germany: https://www.nadinebinder.com/gcp).

I am constantly amazed by how my friends and others here have been able to put each of these simple but very challenging steps into practice. One Rwandan friend now works on peace education with both foreign visitors and local survivors and has founded a separate charity to help educate and rehabilitate street kids.

Another close friend went last week with her living relatives to the very village where her family’s massacres took place and dialogued with some of the actual culprits, who had not been government soldiers but ordinary neighbours. I’m not sure that I could do that myself.

This friend has told me many stories of the Genocide and one time during a particularly gruelling account, she began smiling. I asked her how she could smile at being a baby’s cry away from being discovered and killed? She replied, "I’ve cried so much that I’ve no tears left”.

Rwanda is still a nation awash with tears but it is also a land full of hope for a more peaceful and prosperous future in which harsh events of a bitter past are remembered, honoured and forgiven but never forgotten.

"Forgiving is not forgetting; it’s actually remembering -- remembering and not using your right to hit back. It’s a second chance for a new beginning. And the remembering part is particularly important. Especially if you don’t want to repeat what happened.” (Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa)

This is the fourth in a new monthly series of personal columns, entitled "Letter from Kigali”. Each month, local resident and writer, Jeremy Solomons – who was born and educated in England of Jewish, Lebanese and Persian heritage and naturalized in the USA - shares a unique perspective on what is happening in Rwanda, Africa and the rest of the world.

The views expressed in this column are entirely those of the writer who can be reached at jeremy@jeremysolomons.com