…think their identity is a matter of national importance.

Such useless people are common in drinking joints. After imbibing one beer too many you are left with someone who can hardly stand on one leg for a second.

Then you make the mistake of looking at the fellow for more than five seconds and that is enough for him to lose it. So he starts his barrage of silly questions.

"Hey, what are you looking at? Haven’t you ever seen someone happy? By the way do you know me?” Hell no! I do not know you please and am sorry if you have failed to garner any fame at your age. These are questions you should ask your relatives. And of course I have seen someone silly!

…think it is cool to betray their friends and relatives.

I must apologise for not having showed these people my anger much earlier. I have hated these guys since one of them received 30 bucks to betray the big man Himself, Jesus Christ. Anyway, maybe it was still cool to do this back then, but in 2009 you will not be spared the wrath of The Hater.

Actually I am heading to the studio to finalise my first hit song, a remix of Jose Chameleon’s song Bayuda. And by the way, my reggaeton version will have names and photographs of all the traitors out there. Be afraid, be very afraid.  

…act impatient while using public commuter transport.

Keeping time in some of these developing nations can be a tough call once you do not own personal means of transport. I am always incensed by certain people who I suspect could be simply broke marketing executives.

They enter a taxi and after one minute they start threatening the driver. "If you do not take us now we are going to get out.”  Hey, slow down. Why use the first person plural (we) yet you entered the taxi alone?

And who said the taxi was waiting for you only? Please grow up. This is a public service vehicle and even being related to the ATRACO bosses cannot help much. Otherwise, get out, get a cab and order the chauffer to drive.

…call me and ask who they are speaking to.

I have hated so many phone users for their bad habits that sometimes I feel like giving out my post office box instead of my telephone number. There are some crazy people who call me and then immediately ask, "Who is this?”

Now this is rude in capital letters. Basic telephone etiquette requires the caller to introduce himself/herself first. How can you call me if you do not know me? And if you don’t know me, who said I know you? I hate you so much. (By the way, I am screaming).

…fail to spell other people’s names correctly.

Well, maybe the current Zimbabwe prime minister has a tough name to spell leave alone pronounce (Tsvangirai). But all the same, misspelling someone’s name is a big crime because it amounts to changing their identity.

Making an effort to find out the correct spelling of a person’s name is a matter of courtesy. Anyway most of you are lucky that my name is so simple to spell yet very risky to misspell. T.H.E  H.A.T.E.R practice it at home for your safety.

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com

The Hater