James has a wedding coming up and we caught up for a chat about that. What do majority of the people consider the most important things in a marriage, what ought to be discussed, honestly? Finances, sex and children! In regards to children it is about the number and quality of life their parents want for them.  A lot of struggling couples say it has to do with one of those or all three. No matter what other challenges there are in a marriage, those mentioned above are the most serious ones.

For the smooth running of a family there must be a steady source of income. This is the point where I address people who will come at me referring to empowerment and using it as an excuse not to cater for their families’ financial needs. I told James he will be the head of the family, he must take his position and take it real good, starting with provision. No matter how much money a woman has, she derives a lot of joy seeing her man wake up, work out and show support financially. As a couple be honest about finances, when it is not there let each other know, but also as the husband assure the wife that you’re doing what it takes to provide. Don’t give her a ‘side eye’ because she receives a paycheck too. No, you brought her from her parents’ house. Women complain that their self-employed husbands never open up about their incomes and even those who are salaried will rarely reveal the full details. Many husbands just do not trust their wives like that; they treat them like thieves waiting to steal their money. 

 Try not to do things for friends and family without consulting each other.  Sex is the glue that holds this union together, many married people tend to treat it as a routine exercise, especially after several years of marriage; as a wife or husband the day you make your partner long for sexual satisfaction, you have lost them. Women are the biggest culprits here, a few kids down the road they feign sickness and give all sorts of excuses not to sleep with their man. Well, I will request husbands to be understanding because it is natural for women to lose the desire for sex much earlier than men but I would ask women to also try harder, longer and desist from giving excuses. Just try!  

A few other things that might not be earth shuttering, but equally important, is an honest discussion about hygiene, if the new wife or husband is not as clean or neat it is good to be honest with them, don’t wait for three years then find one who is clean when you could have taught them and watched as they learnt and practiced. If you have a way you prefer your food being cooked and served don’t compromise from the word go, because it could go down south from then on, set the standards early so that both of you get accustomed to that. The issue of friends too is crucial; who do you want around and to what extent. 

Disclaimer; the advice you just read is from the self-appointed president of the ‘single ladies fraternity’ you may not necessarily believe me for I am not experienced, but give it a try, it might save you from bouncing back to the fraternity.