The general norm among Rwandan parents, is to teach their children to abstain from sex until marriage; in doing so, keeping important information about sexual health is shrouded in taboo.
The most information about Sexual Reproductive Health (SRH) that majority of young people get from their parents could be a lesson about their period at the end of primary school or through high school.
According to Rwanda Women’s Network, currently, more than 25 per cent of girls aged 15 to 19 in Rwanda have their first sexual experience by the age of 15, and 15 per cent of births occur to teenage mothers. About 15 per cent of births in Rwanda occur to mothers below 20 years of age and this mostly is due to unwanted and unplanned pregnancies.
The inability to utilise available SRH services is often blamed on stigma and myths surrounding SRH issues, many of which are brought about by religious and cultural beliefs.
Due to this, a majority of adolescents base their SRH decisions on inaccurate information accumulated from their peers and media.
In addition, nearly half of young women who have STIs in Rwanda do not seek treatment, mostly because they do not know their rights, did not want other people to know, did not know where to go or thought it cost too much.
To understand these barriers, Rwanda Women’s Network organised a FEMDialogue to provide a space to discover the issues that continue to shroud the lines between sex and culture, and what can be done to alleviate the issues between sex and culture.
Sandrine Gwiza, a Girl Guide, said that in the media, sex is often addressed in all kinds of ways yet parents shy away from it.
"As Girl Guides, we encourage abstinence, a sure way to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STDs. Self-discipline is our core value that we try to emphasise among teenagers who are still under their parents’ guidance and supervision. But because of the influence from peers, they tend to lose their innocence, because their adolescence phase is still fragile. This is why we still see the numbers of teenage pregnancies still on the rise,” she said.
"We should be talking to our parents but they are busy with work and it’s difficult for them to open up and talk to us about it. In a society like ours, we have different means without getting to the parent,” said Patricia Shema, a 17-year-old student.
A study dubbed ‘Sex and Love’ conducted by Girl Effect last year, revealed that teenagers discuss topics about sex, among themselves but never discuss it with their parents or people older because of fear for judgement
"Young people also know that parents will beat about the bush when they come to them with questions, and so resort to the internet and all sorts of sources to get their answers. As a result, some get information that is false,” Aurore Irankeneye from Girl Effect said.
For Anicet Nzabonimpa, a SRH expert, teaching only abstinence, as most parents do, does not stop or delay sex among young people, but instead increases the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs), as teens engage in sexual activity without the necessary safety information.
"Sex talk is usually done among peers, and instantly it becomes a taboo when a young person asks questions. Trying to cover up the truth about it because you are shielding them from the possibility of having sex can only bring mistrust when they will find out the truth.
"Parents need to be aware, between the ages of 10 and 20, sex hormones are active among young people and whether they get information about sex or not, their bodies will yearn for sex and they will start to get boyfriends or girlfriends.
"Sex is natural and a human right but young people need the right information to understand why they need to wait. While comprehensive sex education is taught in high school, parents should normalise teaching their children at a younger age so that by the time they are approaching adolescence, they are aware about their bodies and that it is normal to have these feelings and the consequences of early sex,” he said.
Mary Balikungeri, Rwanda Women’s Network director, said that having frequent conversations around SRH not just in schools but also breaking the cultural barrier for parents can eliminate the unnecessary cultural taboo surrounding sex. It is a reliable way of giving young people the information they deserve on how to stay safe.
"Culturally we are not used to talking about sex and yet we know sex is life, health and is the most impacted by stigma for young people. By bringing these conversations is to try and destigmatise the whole essence of sex and understand that culture evolves, but we still need to have certain values kept, that do not compromise our freedom,” she said.