I believe we all have friends, but as time goes by, it gets hard to keep up with all of them. Some, you may not have anything in common with anymore, others may have travelled and so you lost touch, and it is possible that another’s character, status, or what have you, isn’t admirable. 

Last week, one of my closest friends called me, she was not happy. She was disappointed because someone she trusted and called her best friend—told her deepest secrets to—betrayed her. Turns out ‘Judas’ (the friend) gossiped about her and naturally, it all got back to my friend. She now feels she can’t trust anyone because her best friend, the person she trusted the most, was treacherous to her.

This made me think about who friends really are. A friend is someone who is thoughtful, caring, and can be able to tell if you are fine or not even before you tell them anything. Your happiness is their happiness, and you are assured of their support at all times.

Friendships crumble when trust is lost. As a friend, if someone confides in you, be nice and keep their secrets. However, we should learn that not every friend can be trusted, some just can’t keep anything to themselves.

Another thing that really makes friendships drift apart is jealousy or unhealthy competitions. We are all blessed differently, if your friend can afford a Range Rover or any car that you cannot afford, wish them well— don’t try to have higher standards that you can’t afford. If your friend’s success starts annoying you, then accept that you are green-eyed.

Have you noticed that you can outgrow some friendships with time? Not everyone walks with you until the end, as you grow, your thoughts and conversations grow. If you have plans of progressing—may be you want to buy land and construct your own house but the kind of friends you have discourage you— there is a possibility that you might fall out as they don’t believe in elevation or development.

Any friendship based on materialism might die away quickly. It shouldn’t be about money, rather, supporting each other. A friendship that is one-sided is draining, that is, when you feel you are always at the giving end, or you are always the one who breaks the silence.

Money can separate good friends. If you borrow money from a friend, pay back. Don’t assume that because someone is your friend you can ‘hold onto’ the debt for as long as you want, or even not pay them back at all.

High expectations also kill friendships. If you expect your friends to give you attention, care, support or love 24/7, chances are that you will be disappointed. Lower your expectations.

People with negative energy can kill friendships. Their answers are always, "no you can’t”, "you will fail”, and etcetera. Some people complain about everything, they won’t like your hair, nails, the way you dress, or what you eat. A true friend appreciates you; when you are smart, they will tell you, if you accomplish something, they will congratulate you, and they will criticise when you are wrong. If your friends never point out your mistakes, find better ones.

editorial@newtimesrwanda.com