Dear Aunt Silvia,

I am a young career woman and newly married. My husband who is almost 20 years my senior has an annoying habit of staring at women even when we are together. I find it so disturbing and have told him so countless times, even before we got married, but he says all men are like that.

This is just too much for me to bear. Recently we went for his office party and he openly commented about a lady and it was very embarrassing. His workmates immediately dispersed when they saw my rage.

I feel so embarrassed being with him in public places or in company of friends and relatives. I have only been married for one year and I can’t stand it any longer, yet I don’t want my marriage to fail. Help.
Kathy Lyn.

Dear Kathy Lyn,

Men are visual and have a tendency to look at anything that attracts their attention irrespective of whom they are with. Human behavior is diverse and what you perceive as wrong, your partner may simply put across as normal.

That is why he sees nothing wrong with making all his comments and looking at other women in your presence. Actually it is said that people who are vocal have no hindrance, which may be the case with your spouse as far as women are concerned.

Your husband might be just an adoring fan of all good looking women out there but nothing goes beyond the looking. Your man is who he is, and there’s only so much you can change about him. The ability to transform a man is a very common misconception among women.

It goes without saying that you love your partner because of special qualities or characteristics that tugged at your heartstrings from the very first time.

Try and focus on these qualities rather than on things that need "fixing” for the two of you to forge a strong relationship. Keep in mind the fact that your partner has his own unique personality, which may differ from yours.

Appreciating these differences will help in laying a strong foundation for your relationship. On the other hand, remaining steadfast in your resolve to change your man is the same as attempting to erode his integrity and can be quite draining for both of you.

In the mean time try and build your marriage on a solid foundation of love and trust, forget about his looking in the meantime, he will look until he gets tired.

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