All was fine for Derick. He lived a normal life. A decent life. His life was not any different from a mid-aged lad negotiating through the urban jungles of life. Big dreams. Bigger ambitions. Life gave him apples that he munched silently. But all things took a sharp turn when he met a woman. Well, like the nonsensical adage says, love is blind. Derick, perhaps, was blinded by his girlfriend’s stunning beauty. "She was a ball of energy,” he snorted. "Her little red dress that sparkled like a stripper’s nail vanish was enough to tickle my heart,” he added, explaining how he was swiftly lifted off his feet by the breeze of her sheer beauty.

He would later discover that she had a kid from her past relationship. "At first, honestly, I didn’t mind the kid,” Derick, said in self-belief. He loved his mother. Children? Ah, children are a gift from God. And, perhaps, he thought that, that kid was a gift from God.

Times passed. Days turned into nights and the unending cycle rattled on. Later, it dawned on him that he had shot his own foot with a bullet. "I made a mistake. Relating with her was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life,” he cursed bitterly, regrettably.

He’s been chained by that kid. He is tired. He is knackered by babysitting. He is tired of the baggage the girlfriend brought to him. He has to cough out money for the kid who is not his. "The little man hates me even. How am I supposed to keep up with that? And he cries as though he is on new batteries,” he complained in rage.

Relating with a stranger simply means that you’re exposing yourself to baggage of all sorts. They can be pain in the nose. They could be thieves. They could be practicing witchcraft and sorcery and flying on brooms. They could be wenches or hookers who leave you in bed and wander about the streets. They could be all time liars. And liars are bad company. Worse, they could carry an extra luggage from their past relationships and hurl it inside your house.

Relating with someone with a past can haunt you for the rest of your dating life. This means the previous man will always be in your business. He will always mind your business. He will be calling in the middle of the night and demands to talk to baby Simon, his son. Imagine! If you are the jealous type, depression will creep over you. Your life will be hell.

It is always hard to keep up with a woman whose kid will grow up calling you uncle. And, like Derick, it is largely advisable to seek asylum before uglier things creep in. The little Hitler will crawl up to both of you, as you enjoy your intimacy, and he will pickpocket your pleasure, he will make a scene. He will cry till the last molar is fully visible. You won’t slap him because he is not yours. Don’t slap people’s kids. Just don’t. Then he will start to grow and see you from under his nose. He will demand for his father. Yes, you’re his uncle. And his mum will break down and weep and you will hold your hands over your head. The little kid won’t realize that you are trying to clean up his father’s mess. He is oblivious of the fact that the happiness of his mother largely comes from you. Hell, he doesn’t know that you saved his mother from single motherhood.

It’s a thought world for anyone who’s in a relationship that involves kids who aren’t theirs. This goes both sides - men and women. For a woman, you will always be suspicious of his baby mama. They always have drama. They always create scenes. Plus, it’s worse when she hasn’t fully moved on. She will have demands of her own and this will dent your relationship. It’s tough.

Maybe this is how I view things from where I sit. But if you want to go with someone with a kid, well, safe journey.

editor@newtimesrwanda.com