So, when my editor sent me this week’s debate topic, I wondered which year we are in! Because, who in this age and era is concerned with a woman breastfeeding her child in public so much so that they suggest to get breastfeeding corners? Unless you are not a parent, a hungry baby who cries and needs to eat doesn’t really want to know where the mother is, whether in public, kitchen or bathroom. The baby wants a meal and that’s it. 

It is sad that as a society, we still choose to shame women for what they decide to do with their bodies, but it is even more ridiculous to shame them for feeding their child. Breastfeeding in public has been around since the beginning and there are very few things that can provide the nutrients it gives the child, or create the bond between mother and child during that period. So, how did we get to this point?

We got here when we developed a tendency to over-sexualise female breasts. Bare in mind that males can even work on the streets with their breasts out and no one would butt an eyelid. But here’s the truth guy; breasts have been feeding babies before we were introduced to Pamela Anderson in Baywatch. They are made to feed babies. That’s literally their job.

Female breasts are not sexualised because they look sexy, they are sexualised because we are told to sexualise them. Breastfeeding is an innocent act but we have decided to sexualise breasts and this will come back to hurt us. Very well, they can serve other purposes, including sexual ones, but they don’t lose what they were originally intended for.

Just ask yourself, do you go into a corner or cover your head while enjoying your meal? No! Great! And neither should a baby because no mother wants to be bothered by perverts who can’t seem to get around their head that breastfeeding has nothing more to it than feeding a hungry baby. If anyone seems to get upset by a mother breastfeeding her child, before suggesting that she goes to a bathroom, just carry whatever you are enjoying to the bathroom. It will save you time.

Honestly speaking, I don’t understand the hullabaloo about boobs being sexual. It is just our imagination. Breasts, just like the neck, are sensitive to sexual stimulation but are not sexual organs, and I don’t see why we should stress a breastfeeding mother to cover up. If a mother is comfortable breastfeeding her baby in public, she should go right ahead.  

And if the need ever arises to tell a mother not to breastfeed her baby in public, ask yourself if you are doing it because of any logical reason, or just because you can’t contain the bulge in your pants. If the answer is yes, pack your broken social fabric and have it mended.

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Not too long ago, I came across a post on Facebook with photos of women breastfeeding their babies in toilets and I was troubled. For starters, why? Last time I checked, breastfeeding in public is not a crime. Also, imagine having to feed a child in the same place people go to ease themselves. That’s just wrong.

This, among other things, makes this debate hard, however, let us look at why having breastfeeding corner options might be a win-win situation for all. 

Before I moved to Rwanda, breastfeeding was something I saw often. As a matter of fact, almost every day. From my own neighbourhood, to the grocery store, to restaurants in the city centre and what have you.

Believe me when I tell you that pulling out a breast in public to feed a baby is not always as adorable as it should be.

I really admire how some women have mastered the art of not caring about their breasts on display—more power to them. I mean, why should they when they are just feeding a baby, right? However, and I say this with utmost respect, taking it out to feed and leaving it hanging and dripping moments after, while even trying to get the baby to burp, is not the most settling sight.

There’s something about juices from someone’s body exposed for all to see that’s actually disturbing. When body fluids are involved, discretion is expected—and that includes breastfeeding. Humans have a natural distaste towards body fluids, it’s a normal feeling. 

Mothers have the most energy when it comes to fighting for the right to nurse anywhere and anyhow, and rightfully so. However, cruel as it sounds, no one really cares if your baby eats or not. Why? Because it isn’t the public’s baby. It is yours. So why subject everyone to something that is meant for you alone?

To force others to view something they are not comfortable with under any public circumstance is actually offensive. And having respect for others means trying your best not to offend them.

Let me even use this opportunity to ask, do Rwandan women also hide to breastfeed? I know we are a conservative lot, and trust me when I tell you that the two times I have seen a woman breastfeed in this country were at a hospital on immunisation day.

People say it is natural—absolutely. But so is urinating. And when a baby is hungry, a baby is hungry—true. But when you need to use the bathroom, it is urgent too, but people still make it to a private setting to do their business, no? Also, this need to whip out a breast every time a baby cries should also be revised. I mean, the child could be feeling hot (have you seen the way some mothers wrap their babies in layers of thick clothing under the brutal African sun? I’d cry too). It could be stomach pain, but leave it to us to assume the minute a baby cries, hunger is the issue.

Because it is babies we are talking about here, everyone is expected to understand. At the risk of sounding insensitive, I really think the world would be a much better place if we all stopped expecting people to see things our way. We can’t all agree on the same thing. We can, however, meet each other half way—in this case, breastfeeding corner options.

Just a small designated area where a woman can feed her child in peace and not have ‘perverts’ stare the entire time. What’s the big deal about carrying around a breastfeeding blanket or scarf to cover the breast anyway? Why do people make it look like it is such a task? These days, women hold bags the size of Musanze for all their makeup and other things, but apparently a breastfeeding scarf is too much. Then when people stare, they get offended. It is hard to control the eyes—like the example of the dripping breast, the only thing will be to leave people around wondering where to shift their gaze.

There is absolutely no reason why we can’t cover up, or pump, apart from the fact that we’re simply being difficult and self-centered. Why not pump and fill a few bottles of breast milk before going out in public? Breasts are sexualised—that is not theory, that is a fact, and if there wasn’t a baby attached we would probably be castigated for indecent exposure.

We don’t have to agree, but it’s just plain rude to think it doesn’t affect everyone else in public places.

editor@newtimesrwanda.com