I recently sat down with an old friend and did some catching up. Of everything we shared that afternoon, the one that stood out was leaving a relationship with dignity. Any relationship, but I will focus on one that could or should lead to a marriage.

Do you know anyone who lived in an informal marriage for years and when it ended all they had were the clothes on their back, children that stayed with the parents and memories? I know some. One in particular had been in a relationship for 12 years, within that time, they met each other’s relatives, attended society and family functions together and were called wife and husband by everybody who knew them. When one went to a place without the other they would be bombarded with ‘where did you leave him/her today?’

One day they woke up and decided it could not work anymore. Till today I have never gotten the exact reason for the break up, but I know that a whole 12 years between two adults were wasted. The woman left that house they shared feeling betrayed and used; she had given it her all!

When you talk to some young people today about abstinence they look at you like you don’t know what you’re saying; how is that even possible?

 People go to abnormal lengths to win over a potential suitor’s heart; if it is a woman she will cook and wash for him, pay his school fees, buy gifts for his family. The guy could also do the same and more, he can take a loan to buy a car in order for her to be picked and dropped. There will be a silent contest between the two of them to ensure nobody fails the bedroom test. All the above is good, but why not wait for a formal union? Good things always come to those that wait patiently and do things the right way.

 Do not perform full wifely and husbandly duties that in future when you get married there are no more tricks to unleash. Susan had lived with her man for one and a half years before they formalised their union and she felt overwhelmed, there was nothing big or small she could think of that she had not done in the time she lived with him. But she is lucky at least it ended up in church.

The period we spend in dating and courting is to help us know each other, not work so hard to impress the other in the short term. Showcase just a little of what you can do and save the rest. Tell your person that there is more in store where that came from and they will only find out the day you leave church after saying your vows. There’s nothing wrong with one being principled and upholding certain values.

In the event that the relationship ends prematurely you will go out with dignity and no regrets.

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