Dear Aunt Silvia,

I am a middle aged woman and a mother of six. I resigned from a very good job seventeen years ago to nurse my children who were young.

Now that all the children are big and some in boarding schools I find myself having a lot of time doing nothing in the house save to watch TV and sleep.

I contemplated getting a job, and after a few applications I finally was called for an interview which I passed. I am supposed to start working next month.

All this time I had not consulted my spouse on the issue. When I got the appointment letter, I showed it to him and he was very upset with me. Does that mean he does not want me to go back to work?

I find his behaviour very demeaning, considering the fact that I am still capable of working and want to do something with myself, instead of being an idler.
Elvira.

Dear Elvira,

It is commendable that after taking care of your children you have decided to make use of the time you are wasting at home, even though I know being a stay home mom is more demanding than any other work.

Family issues can be very complicated especially if you decide to make decisions without involving your spouse. I want to think that his reactions do not necessarily mean that he is against you going back to work, but he might be reacting from the fact that you did not involve him in decision making from the word go when you decided to go back into employment, and thus he feels left out in your life and in decision making in family issues.

Having stayed at home all this time being on your toes taking care of six children is no mean feat. You have actually accomplished a lot in life by taking good care of your children and guiding them when they were still young in that shaping age.

Most of us working class mothers think that to be on top of our game in life is by climbing up the corporate ladder only, forgetting our roles at home as mothers and wives. Our house helps have assumed the roles of pseudo mothers since we leave everything to them.

Did you know that our children are our legacy? And we can only be considered successful by what becomes of our children? I respect you for the sacrifice you made for your family; very few women can take that bold step in their lives.

Now that you have come so far and achieved a lot in terms of protecting your family and taking care of them diligently and putting your own needs aside, do not destroy in one blow all that you have built - in the name of a job.

Jobs come and go, but our families are forever with us- no job is worth breaking your marriage for. Talk to you spouse and hear his point of view; maybe he has a different option for you in terms of employment.

Married life is like that and you should know that it is very hurting for one to discover that their spouse is making very crucial decisions without their consent or seeking an opinion from them. Do not make hasty decisions that will make you regret.

Ends