Dating in 2018 is not hard, it is almost a task. The dynamics of two people working on committing to each other today is not what it was before the arrival of smart phones and social media. Things seem to be getting worse by the day.

But if you thought dating is hard when you are single, independent and successful, try it when you are in your 30s and a single mum. Just about a year ago, I decided that I was ready to date again and it has been an interesting experience, for lack of a better word.

There are two challenges and I will try to break them down as much as I can.

First off, it is important that the potential suitor likes children. I am not asking him to be an occasional baby sitter. No. However, it is important to me that he is not repelled by children the way some people are. It is impossible to date a man who is obviously irritated by children especially because Kwezi is the centre of my life. To cut the long story short, if you can’t be around children, then keep walking.

Besides liking children, the potential suitor must understand that my daughter will always come first. It doesn’t mean that he will be neglected. Absolutely not. However, they must understand that I hope that we are never in a position where I have to choose because I will definitely choose Kwezi. She is and will always be my priority.

While I pledge to get out of my way to be there for the man that I love, when it comes down to a time when they both need me, I would hope that he is a man that is good and considerate enough to never put me in a position where I have to choose.

Living in Rwanda for most of my adult life, I realise that dating for single mothers is really difficult. Men tend to think that with a child comes baggage and maybe it does for some but I strongly believe that it depends on who you are dating and what they are looking for in a relationship. Some single mothers out here are strong women who can stand on their feet, they are women who have careers and can financially support themselves. A man who is intimidated by such a woman is definitely not the kind of man that I am looking for.

Most importantly, men should understand that not everyone on the dating scene is looking for a replacement father for their child. I’m definitely not. What I would like for a suitable suitor to know is that my daughter and I come as a package. It is both or none of us.