Every third Sunday of June is designated Father’s Day and each year on this day, people around the world find various ways to honour the fathers and father-figures in their lives. Unfortunately, we live in times when more and more mothers are playing both their role and that of the father.

JACKIE LUMBASI

My neighbour Kevinah had been married for six years when she gave birth to her first born. By God’s grace she conceived again but encountered complications during delivery causing her son to be born with cerebral palsy. The symptoms were discovered one year after birth and by then the husband decided he was not going to be around to raise this child since in his family ‘there are no deformities’. That is how Kevinah found herself alone raising a son with cerebral palsy and who is now epileptic too. Her story is one of many. Men have abandoned women because they gave birth to a child with deformity or because the pregnancy was not planned and they felt trapped.  Some left because they were just ‘enjoying’ the time together and pregnancy was not supposed to be in the picture. Others have absconded the responsibility boldly claiming they were not ready.

What is more disturbing is the very responsible and respectable looking men that continue to do this; those who comfortably walk around appearing very important yet they have abandoned a woman and child somewhere. I have two brothers with children and I will never forget how scared I was when they said their girlfriends were pregnant. I wondered how they were going to manage considering one did not have a permanent job and the other was living at home with my parents. These prevailing circumstances notwithstanding, they were happy they were going to be fathers. Their resilience was admirable. They took care of their girlfriends who have gone on to give birth to my three lovely nephews and niece.

As one of the brothers was expecting, a friend of mine who had been dating her man for three years also discovered she was pregnant. She had a job and so did he, but as soon as she broke the news to him, he said he was not ready to bring up a child. He claimed the pregnancy had found him unprepared, he had just signed up for a Master’s degree. He went on and on yet all my friend wanted from him was an assurance that they were in this together despite all the signs indicating she was in it alone. Being true to his word, he left her and she has singlehandedly raised her son. Luckily she is currently engaged to another man who promises to love her and her son.

As we celebrate Father’s Day, there is a constant but silent reminder that there are ‘sperm donors’ and ‘fathers’ and we shouldn’t confuse the two. Not every man capable of making a woman pregnant is capable of raising a child. I remember my dad doing all sorts of odd jobs to provide for his children. I also have memories of my brothers sweating to provide for their children. I look at these fathers in my life with pride. I wish we could all look at every man who has sired a child with such pride but unfortunately not all men are deserving of that pride. Here’s a belated Happy Father’s Day to all the deserving men out there.

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@JackieLumbasi